Racist Butterball Paula Deen Is Just Like Michael Sam, Says Racist Butterball Paula Deen

Racist Butterball Paula Deen Is Just Like Michael Sam, Says Racist Butterball Paula Deen

Remember how last year our SisterCousin Wonkette had to write one million posts about Paula Deen because she loved the tropes of Ye Olde Southern Slavery Fun Time and was also a super racist employer? Good times. But Paula is back, baby, and better than ever, because she’s out there comparing herself to Michael Sam.


Yes, Paula Deen knows you just think of her as a big stick of real racist real butter, but she would like you to know that she is a complex person and contains multitudes and should not be reduced to her terrible racist buttery badness.

The 62-year-old is also sympathizing with an unlikely sports star — NFL prospect Michael Sam. She told the mag, “It’s like that black football player who recently came out … he said, ‘I just want to be known as a football player. I don’t want to be known as a gay football player.’ I know exactly what he’s saying.”

You know, Paula, if you’re going to compare yourself to Michael Sam, it probably helps to use his actual name instead of saying “that black football player.” Also, it helps NOT TO COMPARE YOURSELF TO MICHAEL SAM. Michael Sam came out as gay, which is a thing he is proud of, while you were outed as a hot buttered piece of racist, which is not a thing to be proud of, though you probably do not know that.

The illustrious Ms. Deen also has some odd thoughts about her fall from grace.

“I’m fighting to get my name back,” says Deen, who adds that weathering the scandal involved facing her “greatest fear.”

“I used to have dreams that I lost everything,” she says. “And when it finally happens, you think, ‘I’m still alive.’ ”

Paula Deen, while your not good name may have been sullied, you did not lose everything. Sure, the Food Network dropped your ass like a hot buttered potato, but it isn’t like you’ve been wandering around in sackcloth and ashes since then. You still had restaurants that inexplicably thrived, and now you have a giant pile of money to open your new restaurant, located in the improbably named Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

The Savannah, Ga.-based celebrity cook announced Wednesday she’s opening a new restaurant, Paula Deen’s Kitchen, in Pigeon Forge, Tenn. A hub for tourists visiting the Dollywood theme park and the nearby Great Smoky Mountains National Park, Pigeon Forge draws about 10 million vacationers a year.

Paula Deen Ventures, a new company launched to manage Deen’s comeback after she acknowledged past use of racial slurs in a lawsuit last year, said it’s pouring $20 million into the 20,000-square-foot restaurant. Earlier this month, Deen’s company announced it’s getting at least $75 million from a private investment firm.

Please note that the entire staff of Wonkette and Happy have now volunteered to have our name sullied for a whopping nine months if it means we come out with $75 million on the other side. Seriously, talk about rewarding bad behavior.


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