R. Kelly’s New Record Comes With An Extra-Special Pair Of Panties For Your Extra-Special Lady Or Man

Been trying to figure out what to get the special person in your life for Christmas? Not finding any great suggestions on our Christmas list? Perhaps you should consider ordering the deluxe edition (not the regular edition, because you fancy) of R. Kelly’s new record, “Black Panties,” as it comes with a free pair of lacy black underthings that we’re sure will look great under your tree, on your special someone, or on the floor next to your bed. And really, nothing says “Baby Im’a Want You” like a random pair of panties you got for free when you bought someone’s album. On second thought, maybe you should order some of our beautiful Wonkette Vagina Dentata panties so you can scare your genitals to death.

You can get you AND your special friend all revved up by listening to the video above, where Rolling Stone got R. Kelly to sing sexy songs about:

  • Sex dolphin
  • Ice Hockey
  • Sex Newspaper
  • Italian Hero Sandwich of Love

No clue why he keeps his sunglasses on and waves his head around like Stevie Wonder throughout. Must be some sexxxxy reason we don’t know about yet. Anyway, you better get on ordering your sex panties.

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  • johnnymeatworth

    Didn’t Alice Cooper do that already?