May 28, 2020
You Are Probably Way Better Than This Parking Ticket App At Making Your Ticket Go Away
In our latest installment of silly Silicon Valley thinking, we have the tale of Fixed, the app that ostensibly fixes your parking ticket for you when you are a victim of meter maid injustice. Except the app is less successful than if you’d just go contest the thing yourself.
First, you should know that this app is for San Francisco, because SF is the epicenter for much in the way of this sort of nonsense. The basic idea is you take a photo of your citation, shoot it to Fixed, and they make it go away because they have experts, but it appears those experts kinda sorta suck.
But city records show that the app’s experts are significantly less successful than ordinary people who contest their tickets on their own.
Data from this year show that Fixed got tickets dismissed in an administrative review 20% of the time, compared with a 28% success rate for the public.
Now, mercifully, you don’t pay for the privilege of having Fixed NOT get you out of your ticket, but given that there’s a statistically significant chance you would have been more successful tackling it yourself, that’s a heavy amount of suck. The dude behind the app is pretty sure, however, that it is because the government is out to get him.
When presented with the numbers by The Times, company founder David Hegarty accused the San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency of possibly “willfully discriminating against our contests.”
Yes, because that’s what poor overworked people at the municipal version of the DMV are most interested in doing: engaging in a comprehensive effort to decrease the success of your fucking ticket app. That’s a FAR more logical explanation than the idea that your experts just aren’t all that great at expert-ing in this particular instance.
In the way of all things Silicon Valley nonsense bullyishness, though, dude is also thinking about taking to the courts to solve his problem, because that is also a great fucking use of limited government resources.
[G]iven the discouraging numbers facing Fixed, Hegarty said he’s considering a more old-fashioned solution in his fight against San Francisco government: litigation.
“It’s the last thing we want to engage in, but we’re left with no choice but to also start exploring all legal options,” he said.
Oh shut up you fucking baby. No one leaps from “hey our product is doing less well than we expected” to “government conspiracy” to “gonna sue” without being a highly litigious type of personality.
Please please please sue this thing out. We would fly to San Francisco to watch a judge smack this doofus down.