Oct 2, 2020
Power Rangers Get a Movie Franchise: Where Are They Now?
You guys, Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers debuted in 1993. It is old enough to buy itself a beer, and, apparently, to be rebooted into a full-length movie, and maybe even a franchise! Tell us all about it, The Guardian:
Power Rangers, the hyperactive, high-kicking troupe of crusaders that have been an enduring part of kids’ TV for over twenty years, have been earmarked by production company Lionsgate as a potential new film franchise.
The original show mixed in shots of its appealingly multi-ethnic American cast with clips from the Japanese series Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger, a work with which we are all familiar (?). That, combined with some seriously terrible writing, led to the show’s, um, unique visual style. Are you ready for Tyrannosaurus Red Dragon Thunderzord Power?
But for all you snarketeers out there, the facepalmiest part of Power Rangers wasn’t the ridiculous fight scenes with dudes in grey kitten suits. It was the show’s low-level racism, in which the only black cast member was made to wear black, and the only Asian cast member was made to wear yellow. Not sure how that one got past the PC police, but hey, it was the early 90s, you could just drop your pubes on women’s Coke cans and no one batted an eyelash.
No word yet on casting, but the original players are probz a bit long in the tooth to keep playing high schoolers. Let’s catch up with the O.G. Power Rangers and judge them by their appearances, shall we?
Red Ranger (Austin St. John)
The Red Ranger was the crew’s de facto leader, because he was the only white man in the Power Rangers who was not near-sighted (suck it, nerds). He was also totes buff.
Today? Slightly less buff. Cool wrap-around shades, bro.
White née Green Ranger (Jason David Frank)
The Green Ranger started off as a bad guy, but then he became a good guy, and then his suit turned from green to white because ?? The character was played by Jason David Frank, who really had the 90s-bad-boy-who-can-sell-you-a-bag-of-weed thing down pat.
Today, Jason David Frank is available for conventions, bat mitzvahs, and Tommy Lee look-alike contests. Please note the “Jesus Didn’t Tap” forearm tattoo.
Black Power Ranger (Walter Emanuel Jones)
The Black Power Ranger was…um…black? We can’t remember him ever having a significant plot line, and the character’s description on Wikipedia is exactly what a slightly racist Japanese producer in the mid-90s would ask casting directors to look for in an All-American African-American boy:
The original Black Ranger is an energetic, charismatic, and fun-loving young man. He enjoys athletics (such as basketball (Ed. note: THEY ACTUALLY PUT BASKETBALL FIRST!), American football, and scuba diving), dancing (especially to a fresh beat bumping out his friend’s boombox Ed. note: Seriously??)), parties, and girls. […] Zack enjoyed martial arts just as much as he did dancing and, as a result, created his own fighting style, called Hip Hop kido. (Ed. note: Come the fuck on.)
Oh hey, Walter Emanuel Jones, you were looking pretty good in the early 90s!
Blue Power Ranger (David Yost)
NERD ALERT! HEY EVERYBODY, COME POINT AND LAUGH AT THE NERD!
We identified with Billy the Blue Power Ranger once upon a time.
Scratch that, we continue to identify with Billy the Blue Power Ranger.
Yellow Power Ranger (Thuy Trang)
Thuy Trang passed away at the age of 27 in a car accident, and we are not even going to try to make a joke out of this.
Pink Power Ranger (Amy Jo Johnson)
BE STILL MY BEATING HEART! Amy Jo Johnson has gone on to do work on “Felicity” and this one Canadian show called “Flashpoint” that almost made living in Canada look exciting. She was and is a super babe.
Wut up tho gurl. You aging like a fine Chablis, gurl?
Oh hell yes Amy Jo Johnson is aging like a fine Chablis. Amy, look us up on Tinder, we do not care that you are married and have a daughter.
So that’s the original Power Rangers…but you didn’t think we weren’t going to mention Zordon, did you?
Zordon, the floating head in the glass tube (David Fielding)
Yeah, that’s about right.