May 15, 2019
Phil Robertson Is Back, Baby, And He’s Still A Bigot
We haven’t been thinking about Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson lately, probably because we’ve been so into these bigot twins that are whining about their HGTV show getting cancelled. Also, they’re much more photogenic homophobes than this ZZ Top-looking guy. But don’t count Phil out yet. He can still damn gays to hell with the best of them.
Let’s check out his Easter sermon, shall we? It was, of course, a beautiful testament to the flawed nature of humanity and Christ’s love and haha no it was not.
During a sermon at a West Monroe, Louisiana church this past Easter, Robertson discussed the GQ controversy, saying “You want the verse? The news media didn’t even know it was a verse! They thought I was just mouthing off. Is homosexual behavior a sin? The guy asked me. I said, do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Don’t be deceived.” […]
Robertson then doubled down, saying, “Neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolators nor adulterers nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Robertson seems to think the main problem here is that people misunderstood his remarks. You came through loud and clear, buddy. We comprehended what you were saying. We were picking up what you were putting down. But you will be surprised to learn, oh bearded asshole, that people are perfectly able to understand something and think you’re a dick. We’re even able to read the same Bible as you and come to different conclusions — ones that usually aren’t homophobic or straight up racist.
Remember how he issued that bullshit notpology about how we are all flawed and he loves everybody so that A&E would let him return to his stupid show? And A&E was dumb enough to let him? And then the show basically tanked its fifth season? Good times. Let’s hope he keeps preaching, and the audience for this show just keeps dropping, and then he’ll disappear entirely and we can go back to talking about those bigot twins, because they’re much more pleasing to look at.
Special bonus hazard pay to any of you people that make it through the full 43 minutes of Phil Robertson sounding like your grandpa without his teeth in, yelling at you about Jesus.