You People and Your Problems “My man's ex is a maniac!”
Here at the Agony Booth, we’re not afraid to be servicey. Email us with your advice questions on any topic. Now, on to a query from a gal who is dealing with serious baby mama drama from her gentleman caller’s ex.
I love my boyfriend and I love his kids but the drama their mom/his ex causes makes it hard to live our lives. It’s more complicated than that but my basic question is how do I decide if it’s worth it?
Initially, I thought I ought to ask you what is in the best interest of the children. But then I remembered something important — you’re not the mommy here, or the stepmommy. You’re the girlfriend. That’s hard, because it means you’re not as involved in decision-making with regard to the children, but it’s also great…because you’re not as involved in decision-making with regard to the children. So let’s absolve you of responsibility to the babies, at least for the moment, and consider your responsibility to yourself.
The ex isn’t going to go away. And she’s most likely not going to change her behavior. So my question for you is, do the positives outweigh the negatives in this situation? Overall, does being in this relationship with this man create more happiness or unhappiness in your life? He clearly hasn’t created an adequate buffer between you and his ex, so I wonder if you’ll consider placing a lot of the responsibility for this situation on him.
It’s often tempting to blame another woman for everything (and I don’t doubt that she’s an ass!), but the truth is that it’s up to this man to manage the different relationships in his life. Do you want to be with someone who exposes you to whatever kind of “drama” has you upset enough to write to a stranger for advice? And do you want to sign up for a lifetime with this hose beast?
Really have a good think about this stuff. This is your life, after all. If he were sufficiently spectacular to make up for the monstrosity of his ex, I doubt you’d be writing to me in the first place.