You People And Your Problems: ‘I Haven’t Had Sex In A Year!’

You People And Your Problems: 'I Haven't Had Sex In A Year!'

Here at Happy Nice Time People, we’re not afraid to be servicey. Email with your advice questions on any topic. Now, on to a question from a man who has not had sexual relations in over a year. He seems to regard this as a very large problem to be fixed. As always, we are here to help.

Dear Sara:

It’s been over a year since I had sex (with another person). Should I compromise my standards in order to get some booty, or should I stay celibate until I find the right person?



Dear James:

Um, what “standards” are we talking about, exactly? You’re not grading a term paper or buying a car. You’re talking about a very intimate interaction with another human being. Maybe don’t use terminology that makes you sound like a health inspector. And don’t regard this whole experience as some sort of retail transaction. This is about communication, attraction, lust, love, biology, and a million other complex things. Because if you just want to get your rocks off, you can continue to jack it or you can pay a sex worker a goodly sum in order to get some sex work done to your sex parts.

Sex isn’t a competition. It’s not a race to see who has the most of it in the shortest period of time. Sex is a conversation on all levels — physical, emotional, spiritual. I’m not saying you have to connect in your deepest soul with the next person you boink. I’m saying that’s the ideal that we all strive for. Sometimes we fall short of this goal, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the attempt.

Don’t focus on sex. Focus on relationships. How do you behave in this world? Who are you when other people are around? Who are you when you’re by yourself? Do you believe you have inherent worth and dignity regardless of what your sex number is? And what are you looking for in a sex partner, anyway? What makes you happy? What gets you going? And what can you offer in the sack? As you can see, I don’t have an answer for you so much as I have more questions. Ask yourself this stuff before you proceed on the path to bangarangadangdong.


Sara B.

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  • ginos_way

    No sex in a year? Sounds like a married person in his 50s.

    • Speaking as a married person in his 50s, I deeply resent the implication that … well … aw, never mind.

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    This post was deleted.

  • chicken thief

    James?! O’Keefe pulling another prank?

  • Otto66

    Worth and dignity. Two key attributes that along self confidence make for a better you and possibly someone another person could be interested in.

    • franks_television

      There’s the rub.

  • notans

    simple question, long answer assuming all kinds of things about his character, motives, etc.

  • Señor Skwerl

    Have you tried hanging out in bars? Sometimes this 50 year-old gets drunk and winds up having sex with college coeds. I’m not proud, its just that humans are horny… and drunk… I no longer do that because casual sex is dangerous and not recommended, so forget that. Perhaps there is a woman/man/other catagory known as “Old Leather” in your town who smokes too many cigarettes who will service you to fill the hole in his/her/other soul/physical body? If you live in the North Woods look for a pass-around girl. Try wearing a kilt and going to Scottish pubs. That’s usually good for a pickup.Okay, I am no help.

  • maxomai

    I think focusing on the relationship instead of the lay is right on. Things I might add:”Do you believe you have inherent worth and dignity regardless of what your sex number is?” – And if not, maybe it’s time to make some life changes?”And what can you offer in the sack?” – If you don’t know, or don’t have experience, then maybe the most important thing you have to offer is that you can listen to what they want and learn to be a good lover.Good luck guy.