Ousted Yahoo Exec Dries Tears With $58 Million Severance

Ousted Yahoo Exec Dries Tears With $58 Million Severance

We mock tech people a lot here at Happy Wonk Lifestyle Village, but while we’re mocking them for employing a staff of tech dudebros, tech people at the top of the pyramid are becoming offensive levels of rich, like Yahoo’s former COO, who had $58 million to dry his tears when they canned him.

Henrique de Castro’s 15 months as Yahoo’s chief operating officer may have ended on a sour note, but it was sweetened by a severance package worth nearly $58 million.

[I]n a letter to employees following de Castro’s Jan. 16 ouster, [Yahoo CEO Marissa] Mayer said she “made the difficult decision” that he should leave.

We would be SO OK with someone making the difficult decision to let us go for the low low price of $58 million. Fuck it. We’d get canned for the low low price of $3 million. Why not hire us, Yahoo? Oh, because we do not have some unexplained pile of synergy thoughtleadering skills.

In defense of de Castro’s hiring and sign-on package, Yahoo said its board of directors believed he “had a unique set of highly valuable skills and experiences that would be key to returning the company to long-term growth and success and would best serve long-term shareholder interests.”

We are sad for Mr. de Castro that his unique set of highly valuable skills did not best serve shareholder interests, but we figure he can soothe his wounded ego by rolling around in his GIANT FUCKING PILE OF MONEY. Also, you know someone else will hire the guy ASAP and he’ll somehow walk away from that gig with another 8-figure payout down the line.

Even the shareholders are pissed at the board for throwing this much money at the dude.

Last month, shareholders filed suit against Yahoo directors and de Castro, alleging that the board wasted corporate assets and breached its fiduciary duty by failing to understand how much compensation de Castro was entitled to. The company says it try to have the case tossed.

Read that again. The board FAILED TO UNDERSTAND how much money they were going to give to this guy. Yahoo is flinging around such fat stacks of cash to its upper level people that it doesn’t even know how exactly it is doing it.

Shit is fucked up and bullshit. No one needs this much money. This is first against the wall when the revolution comes money. This is Robin Hood money. This is Marie Antoinette money, and it makes all our commie instincts kick in HARD. Rise up, people. Rise the fuck up.

[USA Today]

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  • Bernarda Alba

    I would like to invite all you people over who keep talking about Marie Antoinette and the tumbrils and serve you all pizza and pop and then have you watch my copy of “Marat/Sade.” Seriously, Ian Richardson and Glenda Jackson and Patrick Magee are fantastic and it will also knock all that delusional nonsense out of your head about the French Revolution being any more of a good thing than any other genocidal outbreak in human history. We don’t have to have a shitty government, you know. Try showing up at the damn polls for non-presidential elections for a change.

    • Deleted

      This post was deleted.

  • harryeagar

    Sell your Yahoo stock NOW!

  • i like how i was on wonkette, reading an article about some yahoo bullshit, then i clicked “read more” which took me here, to happynicetime, which though owned by the very same folk is in fact a different website (!) in order to finish the same article.that’s just weird, guys.

    • Ulricii

      Sell your Wonkette stock NOW!

  • Melinda Piette

    Umm, also, too, why is Marissa Mayer still CEO, there again? I’m pretty sure every decision she’s made has been crap

    • ibwilliamsi

      Because they don’t want to give her a $58 million golden parachute. As Johnnie Taylor pointed out, “It’s cheaper to keep her”.

  • DeSwiss

    Rise the fuck up!