Let’s All Wear Our Placentas As Jewelry!

Bold statement, we know. But right now the making and having of babies has given us something so mind-bogglingly stupid AND icky that we’re prepared to just hang it up. Yep. Talking ’bout placenta art. DID YOU HEAR ME I SAID PLACENTA ART.

The placenta prints are made by taking the placenta after birth and placing it, along with the umbilical cord, on acid-free paper. The result is a work of art that looks something like a tree, which makes sense as the placenta is sometimes referred to as the “Tree of Life.” Once the print has dried, families can frame and display it as a conversation starter or keep it tucked away as a personal keepsake.

Hell yes it is a conversation starter. You walk into your friends’ crib and they have a giant dried blood picture on the wall and you will likely start conversations with witty dinnertime bon mots like WHAT THE LIVING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

And hey, if you feel that wall art is a little too ostentatious, you can also rock some dried placenta around your neck:

These amazing placenta pendants are beautiful keepsakes for mothers and babies. Small bits of your own dehydrated placenta are placed inside jewelry quality resin held in a small sterling silver dish.[…]

In order to create this very special piece of jewelry a small sample of placenta must be shipped to my location. For the freestyle dehydrated placenta of any consistency must be sent. If you are unsure about how to ship, prepare or how to find someone to prepare a piece of your placenta please send me a message. It is also possible to send fresh or frozen placenta on ice but may not be very cost effective.

Well, then. Definitely want to get the best return-on-investment in my placenta-preserving, so would probably go with the dehydrated version.

Honestly, all this makes me think of is when Angelina Jolie, pre-SuperMommy phase, married Billy Bob Thorton and they did the creepy blood pendant thing where they wore each other’s blood around their necks:

Let's All Wear Our Placentas As Jewelry!

Do you want to emulate Angelina Jolie in the Billy Bob era? No you do not. So don’t go get placenta art ever, in any format, ever ever. Ever.

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