It’s Official: Rapper DMX Gets Chance To Go All Mike Tyson On George Zimmerman
We’ve been debating whether to avoid giving George Zimmerman additional oxygen for his crass fauxlebrity boxing event, but let’s face it: he’s a perpetual motion machine of terrible, and we’re duty-bound to write about it. His fight opponent will be rapper DMX, who already said he’ll piss on Zimmerman, so at least there’s that.
Because Zimmerman is heading for being the winner and champeen of a sweepstakes to be the most horrible person ever, he made sure that this announcement hit everywhere via press release today, a day that just happens to have been Trayvon Martin’s birthday. There are only two possibilities here. Either Zimmerman is such a thoughtless fuck that he never knew, or already forgot, the birthday of the unarmed child he killed (is there a Hallmark card for forgetting that?) or he’s enough of a monster that he made a deliberate decision to do this today for god knows what reason. Either way, George Zimmerman is predictably wretched.
So anyway, DMX. Let us all pray that DMX is a better boxer than he is a rapper, because his flow is characterized by a sort of yell-y predictability with lyrics that my mom could probably write.
More concerning, TMZ has helpfully pointing out that Zimmerman is 30 and has been training hard for a while, and DMX is 43 and has gone the hard living route with gusto most of his life, with some mental health hospital stays and addiction issues and a really impressive number of arrests. A significant number of those arrests have been for violent offenses, though, so yay??
Security is going to be super-beefy for the fight, with very limited attendance allowed. (The rest of us can pay to watch it on TV, of course, because we are an awful nation of terrible “people.”) All this leads to the inevitable question: can you come to the Zimmerman fight strapped and locked and loaded? Guns are great, and the only thing that can stop a bad man with a gun is a good man with a gun, so how can Zimmerman deprive audience members of safety AND of the right to carry, which is a right that came straight from Jesus? The promoter is mumble-whining something about how it might be unsafe and someone might George Zimmerman George Zimmerman, basically, if there’s not safety measures put in place. Criminal lack of self-awareness, thy name is George.
We can’t decide if we want to organize a viewing/drinking party for this thing or put our heads in the oven and pretend it is not happening. We’ll keep you posted on our life choices, but you know either way we’re Team DMX for life.