Feb 4, 2020
Both Christians And Muslims Hate ‘Noah’ So You Atheists Have To Watch It Now
Epic bible-banger Titanic crossover thrill ride Noah hasn’t come out yet, but it’s already had a hard road. First the Christians grumbled about how they hadn’t seen it but knew it would get two thumbs down from Jesus. Now here come some Islamists to top that and issue a fatwa against the movie.
The fatwa – a ruling or injunction under the laws of Islam – was made by the influential Al-Azhar institution in Egypt’s capital Cairo, a centre of Sunni Islam thought which was founded in around AD970 and includes a university and a mosque.
‘Al-Azhar… renews its objection to any act depicting the messengers and prophets of God and the companions of the Prophet (Mohammad), peace be upon him,’ it announced in a statement.
The fatwa added that the depictions ‘provoke the feelings of believers… and are forbidden in Islam and a clear violation of Islamic law’.
Do not provoke the feelings of believers! Do not taunt believers! Believers who are pregnant or over the age of 75 may be especially susceptible to side effects of Noah.
So they are not down with the depictions of Noah in the film, correct? Maybe because Noah is going to look like this, which we aren’t cool with either not because our skygod told us not to be, but because it looks ridiculous.
Oh wait no. That’s not it. There’s no depiction of Noah that would be cool.
Islam forbids representing holy figures in art, instead using conceptual line patterns and lettering to adorn the walls of mosques.
Man, think how much better Russell Crowe movies would be if they just starred line drawings and some stencils?
Meanwhile, the Christians are STILL yammering on about this and even managed to get Paramount to issue a statement that this made up movie based on their made up book may not be a faithful rendering of the book made-up-ness.
Jerry A. Johnson, president of a conservative National Religious Broadcasters (NRB) group, said last month he wanted to ‘make sure everyone who sees this impactful film knows this is an imaginative interpretation of Scripture, and not literal.’
Paramount responded by agreeing to issue a disclaimer on advertising for the film.
‘While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide,’ it reads.
Do you think Christians now have to start liking this movie if Islam hates it? Can the film survive if not one but two sets of zealots are refusing to partake? Who else is dying to see this movie but skygod people? Liberal atheists, you’re going to have to carry the load and see this movie in droves now. Sorry. That’s just the way it is.