Never Watch TV with Queen Elizabeth II


Never Watch TV with Queen Elizabeth II

Queen Elizabeth II, 1st Runner-Up in Ft. Lauderdale’s Barbara Bush Lookalike Contest, 2007


Take it from me, should jolly ole Bitsy II, her royal majesty of Great Britain and That One Part of Ireland, ever text you for a late night Netflix & chill, tell her oh hells no.


Not only will she drink every drop of tea in the house without once chipping in a fiver for your next Kroger run, and not only will she inevitably start trying to give you a backrub that you just know she hopes is going somewhere, but she is the absolutely worst kind of fan—the zealously picky king who enjoys nothing more than proving how smart she is by pointing out every damn mistake in the show in real time.

Look, it’s one thing to maliciously mock TV shows the next day or two later on a delightfully droll website, which is of course the highest form of fandom humor, but to sit there and point out that a soldier on Downton Abbey is wearing his medals on the wrong side or that the medals are actually from World War II, not World War I (which it turns out is a real event and not just something they made up for the show, who knew?) is just infuriatingly pedantic. Shut up and enjoy the show, Liz!

Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Defender of the Realm and Devourer of Souls, is apparently doing her part to keep the average Brit’s 3.5 hours of daily TV watching, but her taste is unquestionably old. In addition to Downton, she’s devoted to Last of the Summer Wine, about three British biddies who have abandoned the propriety of their non-misspent youth, and Dad’s Army, a ‘70s sitcom set in World War II with the delightfully titled theme song, “Who do you think you are kidding, Mr. Hitler.”

Because Britain thought "Hogan's Heroes" was a little too edgy.

Because Britain thought “Hogan’s Heroes” was a little too edgy.

Also, there’s a board game.

It's fun and all, but the Queen never lets me be Sergeant Arthur Wilson.

It’s fun and all, but the Queen never lets me be Sergeant Arthur Wilson.

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