Never Too Young to Die (1986) (part 8 of 10)

We cut to Carruthers, who’s uneasy because Lance and Danja have been “out of sight too long.” He wants to take a “chopper” down to have a look-see. Um, a helicopter? If he can see the two of them clearly through binoculars, how far away could he possibly be?

The next thing we see is Cliff, coming out of someone’s tent. (Hey, “don’t ask, don’t tell” is a perfectly fine policy by me). He’s quickly knocked out by an unseen guy wearing fatigues, who scavenges through his pockets for his keys. The guy then rides off on Cliff’s bike, conveniently wearing Cliff’s dark helmet so we can’t see who it is. This suspense is maintained for about ten seconds, when the mystery man gets to the bottom of the hill, throws the helmet off, and reveals to the world that he is, in fact, Poofy Hair Guy! Wow, what a twist! Just one question: Why is he wearing fatigues? And why did he decide to take off his helmet at this particular moment? Any why does he then raise his fists in the air and go “RAHHHR!!” before finally driving off? Okay, so that was more than one question, but I’d still be satisfied if just one of them is answered.

Never Too Young to Die (1986) (part 8 of 10)

“No… Please… Stop… Someone… help… Hey, what did you stop for?”

We see a chopper land outside the farmhouse, which gets Danja and Lance scurrying out of bed. Danja surmises that “we probably made them nervous” by being out of sight for so long. We see guys in fatigues running up the steps, and two of them, a male and a female, cast off their fatigues to reveal that they’re wearing exactly the same clothes as Danja and Lance. Well, technically speaking, Danja and Lance aren’t wearing any clothes right now, but you know what I mean. They barge into the bedroom and Lance sees them and mumbles, “I must be in love, I think I’m seeing double!” The next thing we see is Lance and Danja in fatigues, being ushered into the helicopter.

Never Too Young to Die (1986) (part 8 of 10)

“I’m sorry, but we’re recasting your roles with Latinos. We’ve decided to target a different demographic.”

Arliss drives up on the hill. He asks one of his men what the status is, then takes a gander at Lance’s patio through his binoculars. He sees the two doppelgangers and assumes all is well. His binoculars are quite amazing, by the way. The view through them changes from a wide shot, including the house and the helicopter, to a tight shot on the Lance and Danja impostors without Arliss even adjusting any of the controls. “Looks under control,” Arliss says. Then he takes off. I mean, was he just swinging by here on his way to pick up some beers at the Circle-K? Couldn’t he have just picked up the phone and called to see if everything was under control?

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Multi-Part Article: Never Too Young to Die (1986)

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