Never Too Young to Die (1986) (part 3 of 10)

We cut to the audience gathered to watch the gymnastics competition, as Cliff stands up and yells “Go get ’em, Lance!” Making this slightly conspicuous is the fact that he’s the only one in the crowd who’s standing up and cheering. As Lance walks out onto the mat to begin his routine, we cut to Drew and Third Guy, still underground. They hear an alarm and a whole slew of Mad Max types come running up the catwalk. In response to this, Drew says, “I think we’re in for a disco nightmare!” [?!]

He then tells Third Guy to “key on me!”, whatever that means. Then Drew opens up an umbrella [!]. At this, all the freaks stop their forward assault and start laughing wildly. Um, guys? There’s a master spy in your secret lair, remember? Maybe you can save the yuks for later. Naturally, this gives Drew the opportunity to drop the umbrella and start spraying them with machine gun fire. The goons shoot back, but as it turns out, the umbrella is a bullet-proof umbrella. Oh, one of those. Unsurprisingly, as Drew fires at them from behind this rather dubious shield, none of the goons does the obvious and shoots for his legs. Drew yells at Third Guy to get out of there while he provides cover.

Never Too Young to Die (1986) (part 3 of 10)

John Steed ain’t got nothin’ on Drew Stargrove.

In a hail of lousy editing, the bulletproof umbrella seems to get knocked out of Drew’s hand. Way to go. Personally, if I were going to turn an ordinary item into a bulletproof shield, I’d probably pick something that wouldn’t get easily knocked out of my hand by gunfire. Thinking Drew defenseless, the goons swarm him, but it turns out that Drew has a grenade up his sleeve which he tosses in their direction. Apparently, this is one of those grenades used by magicians and wizards, because when it explodes, it generates a bright green cloud of smoke. Drew attempts to use this diversion to make his escape up a nearby ladder, but someone tosses a rather cheap dummy on top of him. As both Drew and this flimsy mannequin tumble to the ground, the mannequin transforms into a very dead Third Guy. Or, at least I think he’s dead, because somebody’s poured stage blood all over his neck. Drew scrambles to his feet and tries to get away, but soon finds himself surrounded by goons.

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Multi-Part Article: Never Too Young to Die (1986)

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