Sep 30, 2019
Rush Limbaugh And Ben Shapiro Catch Bieber Fever
Are you tired of thinking of Justin Bieber? Too bad, because now we’ve had some derpy weigh-ins from Rush Limbaugh AND Ben Shapiro, and even better, they do not agree with each other about the social meta-significance of Justin Bieber, so you just know we’re going to talk about it some more.
In this corner, true Belieber Rush Limbaugh, who insists that boys will be boys and Justin Bieber is not Obama so stop hating, haters.
He’s driving drunk with, what, marijuana, cocaine or some such thing. I mean, it’s all over the news, Justin Bieber. It’s even headlined at Drudge, “Save Me.” What is he, 19, 20 years old? You would think this guy has sicked the IRS on people. You would think that Justin Bieber has been running the economy into the ground. Has he? He has not!
Did Justin Bieber commit fraud to seize one-sixth of the US economy? Has the guy taken over the health care industry? Did Justin Bieber lie to you about being able to keep your doctor and your insurance plan? Did Justin Bieber promise you that your back insurance premium would come down $2500? Did Justin Bieber take doctors away from kid cancer patients? Has Justin Bieber made basic health care unaffordable?
Yeah, motherfucker! The Biebs is the man on account of how he is not a duly elected leader of ‘Merica and therefore has no power to ruin our economy or impose the tyranny of attainable health care upon us. Justin is not the boot stomping our face forever. He’s more like a sprightly little dancing lad waving oxy powder around and he is therefore the pop star of Rush’s dreams.
Speaking of sprightly little lads, in this corner we have Ben Shapiro. Ben is staking out the moral high horse ground on Bieber and would like you to know that a Justin Bieber is what you get when you don’t have both a mommy and daddy at home to watch over you.
Bieber was born out of wedlock to a 17-year-old, and achieved fame early at age 14. Since then, his life has spiraled downward, his pop songs becoming increasingly dark and sexual, his brushes with infamy and crime becoming more outrageous and frequent.
Thursday’s DUI charge – and other charges, including resisting, drag racing, and driving with a suspended license – is the latest act in Bieber’s decline. But Shapiro contends that this is what our society feeds on; it is the product we get when we reject the family structure in favor of self-indulgence.
Shapiro pointed to Bieber’s 38-year-old father, Jeremy, who apparently aided in the drag-racing stunt by blocking off the street. Even Jeremy Bieber’s appearance, covered in tattoos and piercings, screams “creep.”
Hmmm. Sounds like daddy is around, but he just isn’t a great role model. Probably that would magically have been changed if daddy had just married mommy when he knocked her up and then young Justin Bieber would be a veritable Donny Osmond instead of a downward-spiraling teenage hellion.
Who wins this heavyweight-welterweight matchup throwdown? Let’s go to the tape or consult the judges or whatever it is that judge-y referee type people are supposed to do.
After much deliberation, here is our decision: nobody wins, least of all America because we’re unlucky enough to have both blustery bag of air Rush and baby culture scold Ben sharing their feels about a tween pop star that up until this week we were largely ignoring. We were having fun watching the Lohanification of Justin Bieber, but now we’re just sad for the kid and mad at the kid for giving RushBen fodder.