Nashville Recap: Too Much Teen Angst

In last week’s Nashville recap, we were super smart and totally called that Juliette would join Rayna’s fledgling record label. Let’s see how super smart we are this week.

Zoey is singing in a church, but it is also too maybe a tryout for something?

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She sounds fine, but boring. We were hoping that Zoey’s singing would be some church-style tear it up shit, but instead we’re getting ballads. It’s for a backup gig, so maybe that’s what they’re looking for but it is still snoozeville.


Scarlett and Deacon are chatting and she lets him know that Liam won’t be producing her record any more. Scarlett does not look strung out anymore. Does that mean that Liam going away means Scarlett is magically not addicted to uppers anymore? Also snoozeville.

Oh the children are back, and they are rehearing a song. Snoozeville, snoozeville, snoozeville. Teddy is being Stern Dad and not letting Maddie fuck off her studies and write songs for Deacon to listen to instead. Maddie stomps off, as teenagers are wont to do.

Gunnar still totally wants to keep the band together even though he and Avery came to blows last week. Avery’s already been in a band and doesn’t see it ending well, so he declines. Zoey says maybe they should just keep it casual. Gunnar gets pissy.

We’re having a the first powerhouse meeting with Rayna and Juliette for Rayna’s label and oh things are not going to be smooth sailing AT ALL. Juliette wants them to drop her big fuck you to country song, “Don’t Put Dirt On My Grave Just Yet” as a digital download, but Rayna wants to help Juliette rebuild her image with traditional country. Also too snoozeville. Juliette going rogue was one of the best things yet this season, musically. Don’t take that away from us, show.

Additional problem: Juliette is still touring, and Will is still opening, and since Will remains on Edgehill, that’s basically sleeping with the enemy, says CFO Tandy. Juliette asks if they can speak privately because Jesus Christ Tandy.

Removing Tandy doesn’t make anything any better, though. Juliette wants Rayna to announce that Highway 65 has signed her ASAP, but Rayna wants a strategic rollout. Oh, and Rayna’s busy rolling her record out, complete with party, so she wants to keep everything hush hush and not hurt the label.

This is how Juliette feels about that.

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Jesus Christ, you two. You’re going to wreck this thing before it even starts.

Some super fun tension time between Megan and Deacon on account of how MEGAN FUCKED TEDDY JESUS WHY MEGAN. Then Teddy comes over to the house, of course, because he’s dropping off Maddie to hang out with Deacon. Teddy stands there looking stiff as a board and then finally leaves.

Layla would like to have sexytime with Will, so she bought him something from a sex store to spice things up. We don’t get to find out what the sex store purchase was, because this is a family show. Also, Layla, you are not going to have successful sexytime with Will BECAUSE HE LIKES GUYS. Speaking of, here is Brent, back from exile, to be Layla’s new manager.. This should end well.

Besides making Will sad with his very existence, Brent is also the bearer of bad tidings and tells Layla and Will they’ve been kicked off Juliette’s tour.

The songs that Scarlett recorded with Liam sound great, but now there’s no new producer to help with the record, and Scarlett is being a delicate flower about trusting anyone else, so her plan is to have Avery produce. That is actually not a terrible idea, Scarlett. Rayna’s down with it as well.


Maddie is trying to get Deacon to talk to Teddy about how Maddie shouldn’t have to go to school or anything she doesn’t want to do because she is good at music. Deacon declines to go along with this plan.

Teddy drops by Megan’s office because, as we learn again and again, no one ever calls anyone when they can just show up. So much more convenient. Teddy’s setting up some sort of victim reconciliation program and he wants Megan to head it up. Megan does not think this is a great idea and oh christ Teddy wants to talk about what happened.

Will just shows up at Juliette’s house because of course he does, hoping to chat about getting kicked from the tour. She explains that since Edgehill dumped her, she’s dumping Edgehill artists back. Probably not the best way to put it, Juliette.

Brent got Layla a gig for the night and she’s back to being this show’s Zooey Deschanel, which is a good thing.

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Will stops in to watch and some dude comes up to fanboy and get a picture. Turns out his sister went to school with Will, but Will stone cold lies about knowing her. Except she talked about Will and his friend Tyler and their band all the time and you just know Will loved Tyler but he shrugs that off, points at Layla, and says “that’s my girlfriend playing there, so excuse me” and walks off. Jerk.

Scarlett stops by Avery’s house without calling OF COURSE to ask Avery if he’d produce her record. He’s a little worried that stuff is complicated since he dates Juliette, but Scarlett is like whatevs, so he’s going to do it.

Gunnar is sad panda because Zoey used to be really into being in his band but now she is not and why isn’t she?? She tells him that she’s been auditioning for backup singer gigs on the down low. She’s up for a national tour if she gets a callback. Six months on the road. Gunnar is now even more sad panda.

Brent’s super great fun time management plan is to have Layla and Will go on tour together. Will is super twitchy about this idea, naturally, so he’s trying to call Jeff to have Jeff magically rescue him from this situation.

Luke Wheeler (SNOOZEVILLE) and Rayna are getting ready to head out for the evening. Luke knows Juliette had to boot Will from her tour, and Jeff has asked Luke to take him out on his tour instead. Luke offers to cockblock Will from his tour, but Rayna is all about being the bigger person and declines the offer. Now Luke and Rayna are going to have sex. Mercifully, we cut away because Luke is deeply unsexy.

Unfortunately, we cut away to the ever more annoying teenage drama of Maddie Hates Teddy. Maddie went and troweled makeup all over her face and the face of the little sister whose name we can’t remember. Teddy tells her she can stay home with makeup, or wash up and be allowed to go see Rayna’s release party. She sighs and flounces upstairs to do the latter, presumably.


Avery’s telling Juliette about his offer to produce Scarlett’s record, and Juliette is pissed. Not from Scarlett jealousy, as we might have predicted, but because Juliette turned down Edgehill’s offer to give her her own imprint and let Avery produce anyone he wanted, all because that made Avery feel emasculated. But now he feels big and strong and Scarlett needs his help. They have a squabble and one or the other of them stomps off. We failed to pay attention to which one. Net result: Juliette is going to Rayna’s release party thingy solo.

Here’s Rayna! Yay! Also Luke. Meh.

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Scarlett stares at Rayna with a weird mix of envy and freaking out, because Rayna is just so chill about maneuvering through the giant party and OH HELLO PILLS. Apparently we are still going to turn Scarlett into a drug addict. Poor Scarlett.

Teddy drops off the kids and then decides that Rayna’s release party is a great time to talk to Rayna about how horrible her child is being, but Rayna is cool about it. She tells him to stick around for awhile if he wants, and he spots Megan in the crowd so of course he’s going to.

Deacon runs into Luke in the crowd and asks him to come open his tour. This is huge. Does Deacon say yes? No of course not, silly. He says he needs to run it past someone. We’re assuming that someone is Megan, who is talking to a persistent Teddy. Teddy tells her Deacon will never understand her the way he does and that she can’t deny she’s thinking about him as much as he thinks about her and so on and so on.

Layla is super excited to inform Will that they already have a sponsor — because Brent is a fucking wizard — if they go out on tour together. Will says that he’s already talked to Jeff and he’s going out on tour with Luke. We’re not sure how that will work out with the whole Deacon thing. Also, Layla is now very very sad. She points out that they’re not going to tour together, Will is not promoting her record, and now he won’t even fuck her and DOES HE EVEN LIKE HER ANY MORE, HMMM?

The Clear Channel people at Rayna’s party do not want to talk to Juliette even one little bit, because they are going to talk to Scarlett about how awesome it is to be on Rayna’s label. Juliette just hangs out and seethes for a bit.

Oh here we go. Juliette takes the stage at Rayna’s party and announces that Rayna’s label signed her. Way to start off your new working relationship, Juliette. Is Rayna pissed? Rayna is PISSED y’all. The press is already reporting on it, and word is they love Rayna’s new song and do not like Rayna’s new artist even a bit.


Gunnar is being super mature about Zoey possibly getting a tour gig. Oh wait no he is not. He’s being whiny about how everyone else gets to perform and he just gets to write. Shut up, Gunnar.

Maddie’s back home from Rayna’s party and she’s busy watching dudes play guitar on YouTube. Teddy, who is rapidly getting stuck being the mean parent, comes up to take a look at the school. project she finished earlier today except of course she lied it is not finished at all. Maddie is 150% insolent teenager right now and we hate her.

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Teddy grounds her and tells her no guitar. Maddie first trots out that her mom would totally understand how unfair that is. Teddy tells her that Rayna has already agreed with this. Then Maddie drops the petulant teen h-bomb: I WANNA GO LIVE WITH MY REAL DAD DEACON.

Teddy ups the grounding to a month. Teddy, we like you right now. We don’t forgive you for being boring, but good on you for not giving in to your rotten child.

Luke tells Rayna that he invited Deacon to join his tour. This means Will (who turned down Rayna’s label) and Luke (Rayna’s boyfriend) and Deacon (the father of Rayna’s child) will all be on tour together. Rayna gets stuck dealing with Juliette. Raw deal.

Brent comes by Will’s place to tell Will that he can’t break up with Layla. Brent says it is because he has Will’s best interests in mind because if Will doesn’t date Layla the big old gay rumors will start up again. Brent, of course, would never expose Will, he says, but he can’t stop anyone else from coming forward. Brent, now you’re being a jerk. You just want Will to date Layla because then you’ll be managing a little starlet dating a rising star as opposed to an American Idol castoff.

Will finally decides to tell Gunnar that Brent wasn’t the only dude he ever slept with, because now that Will has a big tour opening slot, those dudes he fucked could come out of the woodwork and wreck his life. So we know that will be happening soon.

Rayna’s super awesome record rollout extravaganza is at the Opry tonight. She tells the audience that she’s going to do a duet with her new labelmate, Juliette. The Opry is less than happy. The song is less than exciting but we do not care, because we are totally in favor of Juliette and Rayna forming a Voltron Transformer Ninja Superpower Juggernaut that crushes Edgehill to death under their awesome stiletto heels.

Oh Christ no. Will is proposing to Layla. We just can’t even.

Tune in next week, when this can only get more awful.

TV Show: Nashville

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