Nashville Recap: Good Job Everybody Now Knock It Off

Aww, Nashville new girl Layla who is not really new anymore wrote a song for her imaginary romance with Will and is singing it during an encore Layla decided she should have, which means that Juliette is already raging in full effect right at the outset of this week’s Nashville. Layla is still basically Zooey Deschanel

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…and the show still doesn’t really know what to do with her musically. You know why? Because T-Bone Burnett isn’t there anymore! She’s got a great voice that could easily carry a sparse slow country ballad but instead they’ve got her singing some country-pop crossover that you won’t remember hearing the very second it ends.

Charlie Wentworth is turning into your basic stalker, except that he’s incredibly rich and can just go anywhere, even backstage at the gazillion-dollar production that is Juliette’s tour. He loves her! He’s given her an entire week to decide if she loves him! He can’t wait any longer!! She’s unimpressed.

We’ve gotten rid of Rayna’s younger child by sending her, inexplicably and unexplainedly, to DC, but we still have to deal with the teenager, who has just acquired an all-access pass to the music festival hosted by Teddy as mayor of Nashville, starring Juliette, and funded by Charlie Wentworth. How many more minutes before this gets needlessly complicated? We’re guessing not many minutes at all.

Maddie, the teenager, would like to take guitar lessons from Deacon. This gives Teddy a sadmad. It gives us a sadmad too because it looks like they’re setting capricious teenager up for her own semi-starring role with more songs and meh.

Oh, and speaking of needlessly complicated, Avery is at work with Zoey. Avery is on the phone with Scarlett. Zoey is on the phone with Gunnar, who she is still dating on the down low, and Zoey cannot be arsed to call Scarlett back. Avery has the genius idea that he and Scarlett should drive five hours to go see Scarlett on tour, which also means they will be seeing Gunnar. Good Christ.

Dammit, we’d forgotten all about the lawyer Deacon is dating and have to go look her up on IMDB. OK, Megan. Uninteresting lawyer’s name is Megan. Her sole function here seems to be to ask Deacon how he will feel about giving guitar lessons to Maddie. He feels OK about it. Good job Megan.

Will is out at the bar being a rootin-tootin’ hard-drinkin’ country man and Layla comes to find him to try to get him to go back to the hotel and to complain about how he left before her set is done. Will gives no fucks at all and climbs on the bar to sing. Seems like a better choice than going home with your beard/pretend girlfriend.

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Layla leaves in a semi snit while Will throws himself off the bar in what appears to be a stage dive but just results in him pitching face first into the floor. Good job Will.

Charlie has actually filed for divorce so that he can woo Juliette without distraction, or something. Good job Charlie.

Rayna has gone to visit Lamar. Neither of these people know that Tandy is the one that sent dear old daddy to jail. Lamar is shooting for house arrest but he needs Tandy to pick up the phone for that to happen. Rayna asks Tandy if she’ll talk to dad and get him out on house arrest. Please do not even think about making it so dad has to go live with Tandy while he is out because that is not a real thing that would happen when Tandy is the cooperating witness who has put him in jail.

Besides almost breaking his face, it appears that Will has become an all-around troublemaker on tour. He is a sad closeted gay dude who is going to drink and fight his pain away, because that never causes a problem. Layla stomps out on him in a snit and maybe sort of breaks up with him, which seems weird since she also knew they were fake dating? Either way, the label has assigned him a minder to make sure he stays alive and behaves himself and records an album. Is his minder the label’s resident gay, Brent, who Will is terrified of? Of course it is.

Oh god Charlie and Juliette again. He explains to her that she’s royalty, which confuses us but pleases her. Good job Charlie.

Peggy and Teddy domestic time. Peggy is still mourning her fake miscarriage. Teddy is still whining about Deacon. Good job Teddy.

The super complicated Zoey and Avery road trip to see Scarlett but Zoey is actually there to see Gunnar in secret is a reality, and they’ve all gathered in Minneapolis? Saint Louis? We’ve lost track and the will to live. Zoey is sad that Gunnar isn’t more excited to see her so then they have to talk about how it is a thing and remember last season when we liked Gunnar? Our range of emotions about Gunnar now range from boredom to hatred.

Juliette is taking her revenge on Layla by making her the opening act instead of the second act. Layla stomps off to whine at Will about how he is probably gloating, except that he has no idea it happened. Also, he’s brought flowers for Layla so they can make up, or fake make up, or whatever it is they’re doing.

Cooperating witness Tandy is telling the feds that she’s seriously considering going to court to get Lamar out of prison and on house arrest. The feds remind her that if she does that, they basically have to out her as the witness, and the show is given a reprieve from us crawling through the teevee to throttle it for being so dumb.

Maddie is performing at some open mic for kids at the music festival, and Peggy has hit upon the genius idea of making Rayna sit with her and Teddy so Maddie only has to look in one spot while she performs.

Let’s have a competition to see whose smile looks more fake and all suppressed anger-y while this is happening:

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Deacon’s there to see Maddie as well, and Teddy is beyond furious. Maddie asks Deacon up to sing with her. It’s actually not hateful. Lennon Stella as Maddie has a lovely voice for someone who is basically a child, and Deacon is buried enough in the mix so she can carry the song, but it’s nothing special, which seems to be true of most of the songs this season.

Charlie is continuing to bring out the very worst in Juliette and telling her she can tell the label and her manager and Layla’s manager and everyone else to fuck off, because she is special. This will go well.

Scarlett would like to hang out with Zoey while Zoey is there to actually visit Scarlett, but since Zoey is secret visiting Gunnar instead, that isn’t happening. Will this finally be the episode with the Zoey-Gunnar reveal? Do we even care anymore?

Teddy’s decided to follow Deacon out to the street to pick a fight with him there. Deacon doesn’t get to be Maddie’s daddy, don’t care if he’s sober, yadda yadda yadda. They’re still yelling when Maddie and Peggy and Rayna come out the door. Good job Teddy and Deacon.

Layla had arranged to get some of her stage time back by doing a duet with Will after her set was capriciously chopped by Juliette. Is Layla going to get to do that song? Haha of course not because Juliette is going to sing with Will instead. Will is pretty much as perplexed as you think he would be. Remember how a few moments ago there was a song that wasn’t awful? Yeah, those days are gone. We’re back to bog-standard overproduced shiny country duet land, complete with Juliette wearing tight leather fuck you pants and the worst weave ever.

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Avery would like some special alone time with Scarlett, but she’s feeling excluded from the Gunnar-Avery-Zoey hangout trio so she wants to watch tv instead. Good job Scarlett.

Peggy is confronting Teddy about the near-fisticuffs with Deacon and trying to figure out why Teddy was so out-of-sorts about Deacon performing with Maddie, so it’s time for Deacon to tell Peggy that Deacon is Maddie’s biological father. Meanwhile, Deacon is working himself up into a full-on gonna go to court and claim my daughter rage while boring lawyer Megan looks on.

Maddie is unhappy with both of them, which isn’t really surprising. Rayna gives her a nice even-handed pep talk because Rayna is great and could totally be our mom if we weren’t already roughly the same age as Connie Britton.

Post run-of-the-mill duet, Layla is crying and Will is insisting he had no idea what the actual fuck was going on, which is true. Brent is friendly to him about it, which prompts Will to declare loudly that he is going to go see his girlfriend Layla. Knock it off, Will.

Zoey has gone to tell Scarlett all about her and Gunnar, but instead Zoey ends up giving Scarlett an “it gets better” speech because Scarlett feels all alone on the tour. So, she doesn’t actually get around to ‘fessing up about Gunnar. Jesus, we’re going to draw this secret out forfuckingever. Or actually we’re not, because a scene later Scarlett catches Zoey and Gunnar kissing and flees tragically.

Release to house arrest hearing time for Daddy Lamar, and Tandy’s a no-show, which means that Rayna has to rise up and speak for the trees on this one. He’s not a flight risk, he values his family, etc. Nice job leaving Rayna and Daddy to twist in the wind, Tandy. Daddy’s house arrest is denied. Tandy shows up at Rayna’s house to drink some wine and not explain herself. Meanwhile, Tandy’s absence has pretty much tipped Lamar off to the fact that Tandy is the one what sold him down the river.

Oh, Teddy, you’re such a little bitch. Teddy’s using his mayoral clout to get Deacon removed from the performer list at the Nashville Music Festival. Knock it off, Teddy.

Juliette is kicking Charlie to the curb, but all gentle-like. And she’s totally right – Charlie just wants the trophy, the acquisition, that is Juliette. He leaves, but you have to assume he’ll circle back and throw Juliette off the tour or some other nefarious rich guy thing.

For this week’s SHOCKING ENDING we get Layla phoning TMZ, which we guess you can do? Wouldn’t most people send an email? Anyway. She calls up TMZ to let them know that Juliette was the reason that Charlie and his wife broke up.

See? Told you we can’t get rid of Charlie any time soon.

TV Show: Nashville

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