'Nashville' Recap: The Episode With 150% More Clunky Exposition!

Nashville! If you don’t remember what happened last week, the show will remind you with a really clunky bit of expository where Rayna is doing an interview and they ask her “Hey, Rayna, how did it feel to be in a car crash and then get your voice back and then see daddy get arrested, and have a new label, hmmmmmm?” So now you’re caught up with Rayna.

Deacon is stone cold singing and playing the piano all the time now, which would be great except he sounds terrible. We think he is supposed to sound good? The show thinks he sounds good? The piano line just sounds like “I Heard It Through The Grapevine.” It sounds like the songs we wrote in 10th grade when we were forced to take piano lessons. He’s also still sleeping with boring lawyer. BO-RING.

Scarlett needs an opening slot on a tour what so she can kick off her career. Since there is literally only one person in Nashville touring right now, she’s going to have to try to get a slot on Juliette’s tour. Wait. Doesn’t Juliette already have new girl Layla and tedious Will opening?? How many acts go on tour with her? Is this some sort of Good Time Country Revue like they had in the olden days?

Teddy is mayor, if you forgot. We keep forgetting. He’s putting together some sort of music festival. Presumably all of this season’s stars will go sing boring songs at it. Also in clunky exposition of the day, a reporter handily asks him about his upcoming nuptials to Peggy so we can be reminded of that. Why don’t all teevee shows use reporters to ask really elaborate questions so that you can do plot recaps of your own show during your show? So handy!

Scarlett is nervous about going on tour, and the only person she can talk to about it is Avery, because Scarlett only knows four people in Nashville, two of whom she dated.

Errebody is getting invited to some fancy-pantsy polo match, because polo is really an event for the people. Boring lawyer is there, Juliette is there, and oh look, Rayna is there. Deacon is there. Luke Wheeler is there. This plot device is even handier than the reporter thing.

Plus side of inexplicable polo match? Ladies in enormous hats.

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If you didn’t see this coming a mile away, Charlie Wentworth is one of the polo players. Did you forget who he was? US TOO. He’s the rich guy Juliette hooked up with after she played his anniversary party back in episode three. He orchestrated her invite to the rich people polo shindig, which seems like an awfully elaborate and complicated way to see someone you sexed. Can’t you just call? He’s pining for her and she’s not interested because of his being married and all. Also, too, because he’s been a Richie Rich all his life and she is not, but it is cool because he’s a hard worker or something.

Teddy is pitching his music festival and Charlie’s ginormous Clear Channel company is going to sponsor it, and Juliette is going to headline it. Of course.

Zoey and Gunnar, being unlikeable, yammering on about how they slept together and she feels bad but he sure does not feel bad. She is not going to sex him again, which makes for a petulant Gunnar.

Polo party, what what! Rayna is trying to scaring up backers for her label, but apparently everyone is going to freeze her out because of Lamar’s arrest and Tandy leaving. Tandy, in the first sign of of moxie we have ever seen in her, tells cranky old rich dude and his money to go fuck themselves. OK, she can’t say exactly that, because network teevee, but you get the picture.

Time for more Avery-Scarlett bonding, and by bonding we mean having sex. Good life choices, Scarlett and Avery!

Charlie won the big polo match, but he likes to clean up after the horses himself and skip the awards ceremony and hang out with his stablehands who conveniently keep a guitar around so they can sing Juliette Barnes songs for Juliette Barnes and she can join in.

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Oh sweet Jesus they have a harmonica player hanging about as well. In the stables. To play along. What is this I don’t even. But apparently it does the trick, because now she likes Richie McRicherson. Rayna tries to warn her off the whole thing, what with Charlie being married and all, but that just results in Juliette throwing a mini-fit and telling Rayna that Scarlett can’t come on the tour.

It’s almost time for her showcase at the Bluebird, where she’s going to play for bigtime critics (holla, product placement namecheck USA Today) and Luke Wheeler. Instead of getting her head ready, Scarlett is being all true confessions with Zoey about sleeping with Avery, but Zoey neglects to come clean about sexytime with Gunnar. Good friends, good times. Avery wants to talk to Zoey about it, because that makes a fuckton of sense. Are they going to get back together? Please don’t let them get back together.

Juliette finds Charlie to let him now that she wants to plan the big musical festival with him, and by plan she means have a six-week sexytime with him because that is how long it takes to plan a big music festival, we guess.

Scarlett showcase time and the first real song of the show, as Deacon piano snippets and Barntime Funtime Spectacular starring Stablehands and Juliette Barnes doesn’t count. She’s back to looking and sounding like herself, rather than a record label creation.

'Nashville' Recap: The Episode With 150% More Clunky Exposition!

Of course, with both Avery and Gunnar in the audience, she’s singing a song about how she keeps falling in love, and then we get sexytime montage of Deacon/Lawyer lady and Juliette/Charlie and Zoey chasing down Gunnar to tell her she’s changed her mind and now wants to have sex/fall in love/something something. Damn, Scarlett. That is one powerful song. Too bad it is only semi-good. Now, if T-Bone Burnett had been behind this, you would have wanted to laugh, cry, have sex, and sing along wistfully all in one song. T-Bone, we fall to pieces each time we speak your name. Come back to us so we can learn to love Nashville again.

Rayna would like Luke to take Scarlett to go on tour with him, but Luke is mostly wanting to hook up with Rayna. We were wondering what Luke’s purpose in the show was, as it certainly isn’t to sing.

Oh, yipes. For a nice discordant ending after all that Scarlett song-inspired love, Charlie’s wife walks in on Charlie and Juliette. They don’t see her, what with being busy having all the sex, so she slips out the door to stare off into space while mentally muttering “blood blood blood blood blood” as she decides what to do next.

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Tune in next week for more ill-advised hookups!

TV Show: Nashville

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