Nashville Recap: Deacon Returns To The Bluebird To Sing For 30 Seconds

When we left off last episode, Juliette and Charlie Wentworth were getting broadcast teevee level hot and heavy and Mrs. Wentworth had just seen them getting their PG-rated sexytime on, but didn’t bust them. Will we start this episode with that? Haha of course not.

Juliette’s tour is finally launching. This tour has been longer in the making than any tour on the show. Usually, they decide to do a tour and then by the end of the episode, voila! tour!

Juliette is about to chew through her limousine door because Layla is getting better publicity and airplay.

Nashville Recap: Deacon Returns To The Bluebird To Sing For 30 Seconds

Teddy’s wedding to boring yet duplicitous and un-pregnant Peggy is happening. Maddie does not want to sing. This means we’re going to have to hear about the teenage feels this episode, doesn’t it?

Avery and Scarlett are maybe sorta back together and oh honey, stop. Just be alone for awhile and write some Dolly Parton-voiced country songs about being sad. We know you have it in you.

Point: Gunnar and Zoey still haven’t told Scarlett they are seeing each other because they are terrible. Counterpoint: Gunnar’s hair looks perfect even right when he wakes up.

Scarlett is going to go out on tour with Luke Wheeler because Rayna has wrangled it. Why do we have the looking feeling Luke is secretly, loomingly terrible? If Rayna isn’t fucking him, we’re still otherwise mystified as to why Luke is here.

Juliette is still sleeping with Charlie. OK, now that we’ve quickly covered Avery/Scarlett, Gunnar/Zoey, and Charlie/Juliette are we up to speed on who is still fucking who? Let’s hope so.

Teddy is pouting about how his child doesn’t want to sing at his startlingly quick marriage to a new woman. Dude, usually we side with anything that gets us less teenage wasteland angst, but here we’re with Maddie. She doesn’t have to sing at your unbeknownst-to-you fake shotgun wedding. Maddie wants to see actual dad Deacon, but who knows if Deacon is feeling that.

Charlie has convinced Juliette to blow off the biggest radio guy in town, Bobby Delmont, because playing hard to get will make him respect her more. Or something. Also too, hopefully, because dude is a creepy handsy guy with a thing for young starlets. No worries for Bobby because he just moves on to Layla, tells her how big his microphone is, and makes her sit on his lap. Industrial-strength ick.

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Rayna drops by Deacon’s to chat about Maddie wanting to see Deacon, because no one in Nashville sends emails or calls. Must be a folksy thing.

As much of an asshole as Teddy was being about just demanding Maddie sing, Peggy is full-on petulant about postponing the wedding, because it will hurt Teddy’s run for Congress. Also, too, we know it will hurt her chances to deceive Teddy into marrying her because of fake baby, because you can only keep that particular charade up so long unless this show goes full on soap opera and she fakes it all the way through and steals someone else’s baby. We wouldn’t bet against it.

Deacon wants Avery to play guitar for him at a random open mic night, but because he’s Deacon he does it by just browbeating Avery into submission and agreement. So suave, that Deacon.

Juliette in concert. We here approximately 30 seconds of the song and see her all sassy and fierce

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…while Layla looks on as if she’s willing lasers to spring forth from her eyes and strike Juliette dead right then and there. Will stops Layla’s death start long enough to ask if she’d like to go out for the evening, but ooh, child, she wants to stay in, ghome sane. This fake dating is going to get awkward for Will really quick. Also, there’s the problem where Will hates Layla because of how she dicked over Scarlett at the presser a while back. They agree to go to dinner together, but on their way out they run into Brett, the only other gay guy in Nashville besides Will, who has found himself a date. Three gay guys in Nashville, y’all! Brent asks if Will and Layla would like to join them for dinner, but Will has complex feels about this and drags Layla off in a handhold that could crush diamonds. The inevitable Will-Layla hookup with be so full of self-loathing.

Though Juliette played to a packed house, creepy deejay Bobby Delmont made sure the pressbox was empty by tweeting about how Layla was the only game in town and Juliette is maaaaddddd. Of course this is Charlie’s fault, she tells him, because Juliette can’t take responsibility for anything. Juliette breaks it down for Charlie, who is basically Clear Channel but seems unaware of how radio stations and influential djs work. Delmont’s nickname is “Santa Claus” because in order to get ahead in this business, young ladies have to sit on his lap and…more and Charlie is an idiot for not getting that. You know what? We love “fuck you” Juliette and we’re glad she came out to slap Charlie aside the head about this.

Jeff is power-mealing Gunnar, still trying to get him to let Will record Gunnar’s song. Gunnar thinks maybe there could be some small quid pro quo like a record deal in exchange. Jeff smirks and stares.

Luke has taken her to his enormous spread of land because that is the new “come up and see my etchings.” Bleh. He bores us, and he’s the most stereotypically big country cornpone character on here. He tells her he needs a distraction to stop thinking of Teddy’s impending nuptials and we fall dead asleep thinking of them having sex even though one half of that equation is Connie Britton. Oh! Except he takes Rayna shooting instead of sexing and gives her some legit advice on how to cope with the divorce so now we like him better. Except they’re still going to have sex and that’s still boring.

Deacon is rehearsing for his open mic and he looks like he’s singing at an 8th grade talent show. Avery tries to give him some tips but the hate is strong with Deacon, even if he’s asking Avery for a favor.

Santa Claus dj got fired. We’ll be dollars to donuts, whatever on earth that means, that media mogul Charlie was the architect of his downfall. Good. Except Juliette seems less than pleased, because she doesn’t want Charlie to fight her battles and Delmont should get his job back. Can’t we just keep him fired because he’s a creep, or do we need him to provide some sort of ongoing drama?

Wedding! Cake cutting! So the wedding has happened and now we’re just waiting for the daughters to sing at the reception. Is Maddie going to start some shit? Looks like not. She and the younger more adorable sister sing 10 lines of a song and that’s the end of that. Maddie’s not going to stick it out for the rest of the reception though.

Deacon open mic night! He’s randomly picked somewhere way out of town that he first played guitar decades ago, but never bothered to check if it is open, still the same club, or still has open mic. It is a comedy club now. Deacon decides it is a sign that he shouldn’t sing, or something. Apparently it is a sign that he can go hang out with Rayna and Maddie for some broken family bonding.

Will is brooding in a sports bar full of no-neckers when Brett and boyfriend come in for dinner because apparently they have no innate sense of self-preservation or they’re just that baller. Within seconds a couple of the no-necks comes over to hassle them.

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Is Will going to help as the beefysmacks threaten to beat Brett and boyfriend up? He gets up and leaves the room, but a few moments later we see him beat the living daylights out of the no-necks in a parking ramp. Normally we do not condone violence here at Happy, but good on you, Will.

Jeff is calling Gunnar to give him a mentor. Apparently, a mentor means that Gunnar goes out on tour to write for an Edgehill artist and then somewhere down the line, Gunnar gets a spot at a showcase. Gunnar gives up the song to Jeff without a thought. Oh, Gunnar. You are pretty but not smart.

Instead of heading over to Rayna’s to sit around with her and Maddie, Deacon’s decided to do his open mic at the Bluebird – WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALL ALONG, DUH – and has asked Maddie and Rayna to come watch. he kills it, but we still only get to hear mere seconds of it. Oh my god we’re like 1000 words into this thing and we forgot to remind you how much we miss T-Bone Burnett. We miss T-Bone Burnett, people.

So Juliette has called Santa Claus in to explain that she’s the one that got him fired AND rehired, but she only got him rehired to make sure he can never hit on other young ladies in Nashville and oh, by the way, she wants twice as much airtime as Layla. This is actually pretty much how we assume Clear Channel works. Juliette tries to give Layla some friendly advice about not giving in to creepy deejays like that, but Layla blows her off because Layla is Juliette junior now, but leaner, meaner, more awful.

So the spot Gunnar has on an Edgehill tour? Of course it is on Juliette’s tour, and of course he is on the same tour bus as Scarlett. Oh, for fuck’s sake.

After beating up some dudes, Will is ready for hot Layla action because Will is a multifaceted pile of confused awful.

Looks like we were going to end on a sweet note with Maddie and Deacon bonding, but instead we go back to the end of last week FINALLY and Charlie’s wife Olivia has shown up to confront Juliette about how she is sleeping with her husband, which is apparently OK, but the real crime is that Juliette is not also sleeping with Olivia. There’s a lunge-ish sort of Olivia-Juliette kiss and then we fade to black. Guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out if we get some country-style Sapphic loving. Stick around.

TV Show: Nashville

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