Nashville Recap: Double-Crossing, Double-Timing, And Double-Proposing

So last week, Nashville threw Michelle Obama at us in a support the troops episode, which is about as America Fuck Yeah as you can get. Let’s see what they’ve got for us this week.

Rayna is fretting over the launch of her single, thanks to Edgehill throwing piles of money at making sure Will’s release opens bigger. In strolls Maddie with Deacon and he’s being SuperDad and Maddie has a framed picture of Rayna, Deacon, Maddie, and Daphne.

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Man, look at that thing. Rhinestone stars, Deacon Claybourne guitar picks AND American flags. That picture frame loves America.

Maddie stomps off because Deacon and Rayna won’t let her quit school and go on tour, because that is a totally realistic thing to expect.

Now it’s time for an utterly chemistry-less Rayna and Luke kiss.

Avery is practicing a new song for Juliette and there is much declaring of love until Avery is interrupted by a phone call from Jeff Fordham. Apparently icky Jeff has been calling Avery repeatedly to talk about Avery’s future, but Avery hasn’t picked up. Gah Jeff Fordham is going to wreck everything.

Will is in some sort of frenzy about karma, because he ditched out of a contract with Rayna and now his debut release is up against Rayna and maybe the universe is on her side. Layla tries to comfort him by reminding him he has a cool-ass reality show to promote his record. Yeah, that.

We’re finally getting a look at Gunnar’s house, which we totally forgot he purchased. Zoey’s getting ready to go on tour and just drops in conversation all casual that Scarlett is leaving soon to go back to Mississippi. All the ladies leave Gunnar, we guess.

Juliette is trying to convince Jeff Fordham that she told Avery about cheating on him and that Avery is cool with it. Icky Jeff does not believe this, and tells her the only way he’ll stop calling Avery is if Juliette gets out of her contract with Rayna and comes back to Edgehill. Jesus, don’t do that Juliette.

Jeff’s phoning from the laundry room at Will’s house because he’s about to do a fake surprise walk-on to the reality teevee show, where he tells Will he is going to New York because Jeff has guaranteed him a number-one album drop. Will feigns surprise.

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Ouch. See, Rayna was supposed to be heading to New York her very own self to be on Good Morning America, but Jeff has muscled her out of it and got Will in the slot instead. How was he able to get Rayna, an established star, knocked out of a big morning tv slot in favor of a newcomer like Will? Likely because Jeff also promised them Luke, who is still on Edgehill. Awkward.

Rayna bounces back, though, with some deal where everyone gets a concert ticket for a show at LP Field (it’s where the Tennessee Titans play. Capacity 68K. We totally had to look it up) for each download of the new record so hopefully that helps crush icky Jeff Fordham like a bug.

Juliette drops by to talk, because you will recall that no one ever phones anyone in Nashville. Juliette, minus any preliminaries whatsoever because social niceties are sometimes not her strong suit, launches right into that she wants out of their deal. Rayna wearily reminds her that they have a contract. Juliette tells her Rayna’s label isn’t big enough to service an artist like her and it. is. on. Rayna tells her to fuck off and that she won’t break the contract and oh by the way Juliette will play a show with her at LP Field. Juliette tells Rayna she’s ruining her life and stomps out. Is Juliette suddenly 15?

Scarlett is trying to say goodbye to Rayna when Jeff Fordham oozes over to whine about her LP Field deal and intimate some sleazy things about Juliette and basically tell Rayna he’s going to crush her record release six ways from Sunday. If this record release battle drags on until next season we will be SO PISSED.

Deacon’s throwing a party/concert/fundraiser thing for a recovery center. He gives a little speech about how Scarlett and Maddie give his life meaning and then introduces his band for the evening, consisting of Avery, Zoey, and Gunnar wearing his stupid ill-fitting hat again.

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Avery’s got a new song that he dedicates to Juliette, who is watching from hallway and is a crying mess. Deacon intercepts her and says what the fuck, you’re drunk at a recovery event? She says she’s not drunk (she totally seems drunk) and lunges for the entryway, saying that Avery wrote this song for her. Avery hands her off to someone that gets her out of there, but Rayna sees the whole thing.

We are really not liking Will on reality teevee. It involves a lot of tipping his hat and showing all his teeth in his arrogant fake grin.

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Rayna shows up to Juliette’s house to yell at her for (a) showing up at a sober event drunk as fuck and (b) being a careening out-of-control mess that is now Rayna’s problem. “I slept with Jeff Fordham!” yells Juliette, right before going off to puke, which is what we would do if we fucked Jeff Fordham as well. Rayna holds her hair because Rayna is the best, y’all.

Juliette is cry-talking about the fact that Jeff is going to tell Avery. Rayna gives her a pep talk about how she’s going to play LP Field and she needs to tell Avery and then it is time to puke her guts out again.

Layla is trying to call Will to congratulate him for his GMA appearance because the reality teevee lady goaded her into it, but Will is on the phone with the hot personal trainer with whom he is going to have a private session, awww yeah. Do we think Will gets caught on camera, or just caught in a lie?

Avery confronts Gunnar and Zoey because they’ve been super weird around him about Juliette since they know about Jeff. He demands they tell him, and of course they tell him, and he goes home to beg Juliette to tell him it isn’t true. To her credit, she comes clean, but her explanation that it meant nothing just makes it worse, because it allows Avery to pivot to the “is it real with me? do you even know what love is?” talking point that is the backbone of this sort of fight.

Rayna and company have figure out how Will is able to guarantee so many sales of the new album. Sam Boone stores — a thinly veiled Walmart — has a current crop of gift cards starring Will’s face and all of them come with a free download of the record. Tandy figures she can smooth all of this over because she went to B-school with Boone’s son, but Boone is the one that Rayna told to fuck off, basically, several episodes ago because he would only give her shelf space if she dropped Juliette. Tandy tells her to call anyway.

Terrible Teen Maddie is stomping around Teddy’s house because Rayna won’t sign her to her label. Teddy tries to talk to her about it, but Maddie just yells at him about how since he is not musical he can never understand her dreams and then she stomps off again. Nice kid.

Scarlett’s packing up to say goodbye and Gunnar has sent over a thumb drive with current special lady, former best friend of Scarlett, Zoey. Not weird at all!

Reality teevee people have footage of Layla fretting about their marriage and worrying about Will’s feelings for her, which they then shove at Will to see how he feels about it. He talks about how he loves her but everything rides on the album and pressure and blah blah blah when is Will going to fuck a dude already?

Aw man Rayna’s totally gonna call Sam Boone and offer to screw over Juliette to get Will’s gift card giveaway thing pulled, isn’t she? Rayna, we thought better of you. You’re RAYNA!

Yep. Gift card deal pulled. But here are Rayna and Juliette double-teaming Jeff Fordham (not that way. yuck) about how Juliette’s staying at Edgehill and Rayna smugly shows Jeff the Rayna-bedazzled gift card and high-fives Juliette. So maybe there was no dicking over of Juliette? We hope so, but we bet not.

Rayna’s getting ready to go onstage and says a weird kind of ostentatious out loud prayer thanking God for all her blessings and her children and letting her live.

Nashville Recap: Double-Crossing, Double-Timing, And Double-Proposing

Fuck. Something bad is going to happen, right??

Will bursts in at Gunnar’s new place to talk about the Boone deal going to hell. Gunnar tries to pep talk him about how Jeff doesn’t deserve him and there’s other labels out there, but he also reminds Will that he’s living a lie and having only one person in his life know the truth is fucked up.

Juliette/Rayna duet! Juliette looks good, everybody!

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Please do not let them end this episode with Rayna and Juliette fighting again.

Avery is at home being wasted and Scarlett stops by to say goodbye and to extract information about him about why he broke up with Juliette, which just results in him yelling that Juliette isn’t a good person and then doing a double take when he realizes Scarlett just told him she’s leaving town.

Luke-Rayna duet of “Ball and Chain.” Man, we don’t like this song any more than we did the first time we heard it. We blame Luke. They look great, though.

Oh Christ Luke is going to propose right there onstage, complete with enormous ring. Jesus, the public proposal is the biggest dick move imaginable. How the fuck are people ever supposed to not feel coerced? Rayna says yes while her children look on, super-confused, and Deacon looks on, super-hurt.

Avery shows up at Juliette’s house to drag everything out more. Why does she love him, he wants to know? She tells him about her childhood, about always feeling alone, and begs him not to leave her alone again, and if he walks out on this, we’ll be irritated. Avery has a total right to bail out on this and be pissed and hurt, but you don’t get to go back to the person you’re leaving and keep demanding they bare their soul and still leave.

Scarlett’s continuing her endless round of goodbyes and stops to see Gunnar and he sings her that weird song he wrote for her a couple episodes ago where he’s singing way out of his range and he’s singing about her how her talent isn’t hers to throw away because she’s a vessel. We can’t decide if we like the song because we’re so fixated on how odd Gunnar’s voice sounds. When Scarlett joins, she sounds lovely, but she always does. Gunnar tells Scarlett he really doesn’t think she should go. We don’t either, but if her reason for staying is to ping-pong back to Gunnar or someone else, she should go.

Will comes home to Layla and comes out, sobbing, in a room that he thinks has no reality teevee cameras but of course it does.

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We’re kinda pissed about this because Will has suffered enough about this shit. We’re not saying it has to be some super fun time for him to come out, but the reality teevee thing is going to be bullshit.

Deacon comes over to Rayna’s and tells her he wants to congratulate her about Luke except that he’s not going to congratulate her. He’s going to tell her that he loves her and now he can be the man she wanted him to be. He goes in for the kiss and tells her that they will be a family and presses a ring into her hands, tells her she doesn’t have to answer now, and leaves.

Seriously? We’re hoping Rayna chooses neither of them. There’s no chemistry whatsoever with Luke and never has been, and though the chemistry and history is certainly there with Deacon, his big realization about Rayna seems much more rooted in his newfound desire to be a dad to Maddie than that he is actually in love with Rayna.

Either way, she deserves better, but we won’t know who she picks until next season.

TV Show: Nashville

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