Motley Crue Promises That This Time It Will Really Take Its Toys And Go Home

I love Motley Crue. Unironically. LOVE. So I am coming from the most loving-est place when I say that I’m mocking the shit out of the just announced “no reunions ever” tour. A band that has had multiple lineup changes and a reunion tour already doesn’t get to tease a 2-year farewell tour without mockery.

Now listen. I understand if you ride the Crue Hate Train and don’t get all the fuss about why anyone would have liked Crue ever, and I’m probably not going to change your mind, but you could honestly do worse than to give another listen to Crue’s first album, Too Fast for Love, because “Live Wire” is a great speedy scuzzy glammy little bit of rock music.

Gotta hand it to the boys with this farewell tour nonsense, though, because everyone (me included!) feels obliged to write about this thing.

“We always had a vision of going out with a big fucking bang and not playing county fairs and clubs with one or two original band members,” drummer Tommy Lee said in a statement. “Our job here is done.”

The cessation of touring agreement that the band signed forbids the group from touring after “The Final Tour.” At the end of the two-year touring cycle, Lee, vocalist Vince Neil, guitarist Mick Mars and bassist Nikki Sixx will all go their separate ways; there will be no reunions.

OK wait. Without even too much time down the Wikipedia hole, we can remember that Vince got quitfired in the early 1990s and sued the rest of Crue, and then they got back together, and then Tommy left in 1999 because he and Vince hated each other. HATED. And then Nikki Sixx played in a couple other bands and Mick Mars went back and lived in his crypt for a few years and then they did a giant reunion tour in 2004. Do you know how I know this? BECAUSE I SAW THEM ON THAT REUNION TOUR.

So it isn’t as if Crue has been chugging along original Crue style for 30+ years without a break and decided they should go out on top. They’ve been at the top, bottomed out, broken up, gotten back together, had some people leave, had some people come back, got big again — and no one on earth trusts that they won’t do it all again if they get bored enough or broke enough. Also, they started talking about how they were going to talk about talking about farewelling back in 2013 and have now announced a farewell tour may go into 2015, so this is the longest goodbye ever.

Crue, baby, I love you, but please take the advice of one of my all-time favorite Crue songs. Don’t go away mad. Just go away.

Don’t think I won’t end up going to one of the farewell dates, though, because I’m a sucker.

[Rolling Stone]

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  • mondojohnson

    “Speedy scuzzy glammy” is the perfect retort to any Crüe haters. How could anybody argue with that?

  • Daniel P

    So will ‘Hooligan’s Holiday’ be in the first encore or the second?

  • AnOuthouse

    coming to a county fair near you. or is that coming at …