Dec 14, 2020
Morning Sideboob: Shia LaBeouf Just Can’t Quit You
Shia LaBeouf Storms Out of Press Conference
Oh, Shia, how we’ve missed you. It’s been such a long time since you officially and forever retired from all public life. What was it, a week and a half? We knew you couldn’t stay away. There are too many people to plagiarize and get into barroom fights with over here. We missed hearing our daily Shia misadventures before bed.
Anything but subtle, Shia was at the Berlin Film Festival over the weekend to promote Nymphomaniac, Volume I, and about 10 minutes into a press conference, he pressed the eject button after a reporter asked him what it was like to be in a movie with so many sex scenes. How dare you, ma’am! (BTW, it was the first and only question he was posed.)
He slowly and deliberately said: “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much.” Then, he got up and left the room.
Well, that’s a poignant and deep-thinking thing to say. Too bad it was—you guessed it!—stolen from some other human who said it first. French soccer legend Eric Cantona uttered those exact words at a press conference in 1995.
But now we know why Shia had to rush off in such a hurry. He had to head back to his hotel room to work on his paper bag art. Later that day, he showed up to the Nymphomaniac, Volume I premiere in a tuxedo with a brown paper bag over his head that had the words “I am not famous anymore” written in Sharpie.
Bonus-point trivia: Shia’s now missing a lower bottom tooth because he shaved it down to appear more legit in his upcoming WWII film Fury.
Seth Rogen Spoofs Her
Following on the heels of his hilarious Kanye/Kim spoof with James Franco,
Seth Rogen is at it again, this time taking on Her with his version of Him.
Seth Rogen rules. That is all.
Skinny Puppy Bills U.S. Government for Torture
Canadian industrial band Skinny Puppy is screaming mad after finding found out the U.S. government used its songs to torture inhabitants at Guantanamo Bay, and they dropped a bill in the mail for $666,000.
“We heard through a reliable grapevine that our music was being used in Guantanamo Bay prison camps to musically stun or torture people,” founder cEvin Key explains. “We heard that our music was used on at least four occasions. So we thought it would be a good idea to make an invoice to the U.S. government for musical services, thus the concept of the record title, Weapons.”
In case you’ve never heard the music of Skinny Puppy, here’s a sampling:
The War on Terror marches to the beat of its own drum.
Michael Jackson Estate Owes the IRS
It doesn’t matter who you are, you can’t outrun Uncle Sam’s outstretched hand. With tax day soon approaching, news was released that the Michael Jackson Estate owes the IRS a fuckton of money.
The problem seems to stem from a slight discrepancy in math. The estate claimed the King of Pop was worth a measly $7 million at the time of his death, while the IRS came up with a sum of…2 times 2, carry the 5…$1.125 billion.
Here’s all the info you really need to know: Back in the day, when MJ and Paul McCartney were “Say Say Say” bros, the cute Beatle introduced Michael to the concept of making a killing by purchasing the publishing rights of popular songs. Michael took the intel and outbid Sir Paul to purchase the Beatles’ back catalog. So the Michael Jackson Estate collects revenue from songs such as “Yesterday,” “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” and “Get Back,” which is, as you can imagine, rather lucrative.
Nice try. Pay the reaper!