Morning Sideboob: Mariah Carey Is Not Afraid To Show You the Goods (Video)

Morning Sideboob: Mariah Carey Is Not Afraid To Show You the Goods (Video)

Good morning, babbies! Oh man, do we have some sideboob for you.

Mariah Carey is a frigging fox, as evidenced by the photos displayed here. She also has a new “melodic beverage” called “Butterfly.” Why? Because she is Mariah Fucking Carey, and she has been through some shit, and she can do whatever the hell she wants. Here an amazing moment from her press conference at the St. Regis Hotel in NYC:

At a news conference announcing Butterfly’s arrival, the singer sipped the pink liquid from a champagne flute and described it as “a whole ‘nother thing,” then suggested that allowing a bottle of her elixir into your life is virtually like living among the platinum artist herself. “We can do this and I will almost be in the room with you,” she said as an electric fan outside the frame softly blew wind across her hair.

Well, yes, of course. The snarky LA Times reporter goes on to explain that “The new drink comes in a sensual, well-figured bottle and contains ingredients including water, sugar, sodium benzoate, sucralose and colorings including Red 40 and Blue 1.”

BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAH.

Okay, more news! The world’s oldest cat, Poppy, is dead at the age of 24 years old. Poppy saw a lot of things in Poppy’s life, including part of a Bush I presidency, two Clinton presidencies, two Bush II presidencies, a good hearty chunk of Obama, and the evolution of Justin Bieber. We salute ye, Poppy.

That’s probably enough Sideboob for this Morning, don’t you think? I mean, Mariah really deserved to own Sideboob, but we couldn’t pass up the chance to memorialize Poppy.

Now go on with your day and party hard with your melodic beverages!

HAHA, J/K, did you think we were REALLY done before showing you this stirring trailer for the new “Dumb and Dumber To” movie? Pshaw. The newsman from “The Newsroom” looks REALLY newsy, as does Andy Kaufman. Hooray!

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  • Mahousu

    That skirt is giving me vertigo. As are the boobs, but the latter is a more pleasant form of vertigo.

    • glasspusher

      As Dean Martin would say, that’s a moiré.

      • emmelemm

        Good god, man. Did you just make a fabric/Italian language pun?Also, that’s not a moiré fabric.

        • Haribo Lector

          Well, Dean Martin wouldn’t have known that. He was a singer, not a geometrician.

          • glasspusher

            He had a checkered history

        • glasspusher

          I’d give you a linky to click, but why bother, miss smarty pants?

    • mfp

      what skirt?…i dont see no stinking skirt

  • Damn. I thought Poppy was older than that. Damn. That means my 14 year old honey will die sooner than I realized. I am not HAPPY, nice time people.

  • Doin’ Bristol’s mum

    Mariah has breast implants. Check out photos from her earlier days.They’re still sweet.

  • Haribo Lector

    I’d love to have just picked Poppy’s brains all ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ style. Oh, the wisdom she must have accumulated that is now lost to us. Imagine someone who was actually there for all those iconic moments in the history of the very late 20th century and very early 21st century.

  • Otto66

    Sleep well old Kitty, nice to see Marian flourishing and Michigan guy Jeff doing one for the paycheck.