Nov 5, 2019
Morning Sideboob: Love Is Dead: John Mayer and Katy Perry Split Up
John Mayer and Katy Perry Breakup #2
In the beginning, John Mayer was bad. Sleeping around Hollywood, he was quick to share tales of his conquests like Jessica Simpson’s sexual napalm and Jennifer Aniston pining for the ’90s. Bad, John. Very bad. It all bit him in the ass and the public turned on him.
He retreated to Montana or somewhere like that, grew out his hair, and started wearing dumb hats, denim, and Native American artisanal jewelry. The signs of true soul searching. He emerged a few years later a seemingly more mature person not so eager to discuss every aspect of his personal life. And then he met Katy Perry, America’s (latest) Sweetheart, fresh off of her divorce from Russell Brand. The stars aligned and the timing was perfect. It was true love.
Though they broke up for a few months last year, fate brought them back together. It was meant to be. Katy made him a better man. He even cut his hair and showered for their Montana-looking video duet for “Who You Love.”
They were destined for the altar. There was talk of it…how he’d asked for her hand in marriage and gave her a ring. But, alas, it’s all bullshit. Katy dumped him. Your ears burning, John? That’s Taylor Swift. She’s having a great fucking day now.
First Robin Thicke and Paula Patton and now Katy and John. We blame Miley.
Justin Bieber Walks the Line
Video surveillance of Justin’s trip to the courthouse last month for drag racing, DUI, and resisting arrest is starting to leak. The public can now witness a glimpse of what a pop tart does to pass time when he’s locked up.
First comes the sobriety test.
Followed by Justin’s show of sheer strength. Looks like he had a little extra “energy” to work off.
Jared Leto Is a Momma’s Boy
Well isn’t this sweet. Surely able to pick his Oscar date from a bevy of eager babes, shoe-in-to-win-the-trophy Jared Leto is instead taking his mother to the big night. And he was so excited to tell her the news, he took a photo of her reaction.
Whatever happens on Sunday, he’s already won over our cold, black heart.