Morning Sideboob: Katy Perry’s Boob Obsession

Katy Perry Groped a Girl…

…and she liked it! So much so, it appears, that she went in for some more. We told you about Katy’s “pleaseGod pleaseGod pleaseGod” prayer for boobs. And then there was that whole boob finger-banging encounter between her and Anna Kendrick at Grammys. We are sensing a pattern here.

It appears things are getting serious between Katy and Anna. This time, the girl-on-girl love went down at the Hollywood Stands Up to Cancer Event. How very appropriate.

Anna must be digging it since she proudly posted a photo of the hand-grab on Twitter.

Screen shot 2014-02-11 at 12.52.02 PM

Somebody order a U-Haul.

Seth Meyers Makes Fred Armisen His Music Man

How do we love Fred Armisen? Let us count the ways. First off, he was one of the funniest and most underappreciated members of SNL, and now he is showcasing his hilarious humor on Portlandia. Things just got even better for Fred because he was named the curator and bandleader of the in-house band on Late Night With Seth Meyers, premiering February 24th. Way before Fred started doing comedy, he was a drummer in the punk band Trenchmouth and played with the Blue Man Group.

Fred’s niche is perfectly blending music and laughs, as seen over and over on Portlandia:

Seth tweeted this photo of the band, 8G, and included some more details.

Screen Shot 2014-02-11 at 3.23.14 PM

Fred will curate and lead the band, and continue to run it even when he’s off shooting Portlandia.

We know what we’ll be watching every night at 12:35 a.m. (or at 5 p.m. the next day on our DVR.) We need our beauty sleep.

Billy Ray Cyrus’ Achy Breaky Heart 2

What in the name of all cough-syrup-induced fever dreams is this?

Larry King, alien aircraft, a fully sleeved Miley dad, twerking, vaping…who thought this was a good idea? It’s like a bunch of middle-aged parents got together in the spare room at one of their kids’ high school parties, shared a box of wine, and decided to make an A/V presentation with all they witnessed that night.

We have to go watch this again. Right now.

Kristen Stewart Is a Tortured Poet

Looking for some heartwarming poetry to read to your significant other on Valentine’s Day? Steer clear of the stuff Kristen Stewart just read in an interview with Marie Claire. She wrote the piece, titled “My Heart Is a Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole,” while on a road trip in Texas. We’re not going to run the entire thing here. We wouldn’t do that to you. But here are a few of our favorite parts:

Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen

Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps

Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck

Your every twitch hand drum salute

She also told the mag, “I stand by every mistake I’ve ever made, so judge away.” We take it she’s referring to the poetry.

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  • Was Fred a Blue Man? Or is that classified?

  • Señor Skwerl

    Boobs, like heroin, make me happy.

  • beautifulmutant

    Whoa, I’m pretty sure I wrote that very poem as a joke for my high school lit mag by randomly selecting words from the dictionary. No lie.

  • patrickalbino

    “Fred will curate … the band” Really? #worstexpressionever

  • el_donaldo

    Is Katy Perry some kind of giant or something?! Plus boobs? Hmm. Giant booooooooooooobs.

    • Mahousu

      She’s just having a late growth spurt. BTW, I understand there’s talk she will star in a reboot of “Attack of the 50 ft. Woman” – and that no special effects will be required.

    • Deleted

      This post was deleted.

  • savethispatient

    At least Kristen Stewart’s poetry is better than Twilight. It’s just a shame she’ll never be able to get out of the shadow of her father, Rod.

  • msanthropesmr

    I saw no short country singer impersonator in the 2 ft. Billy Ray Cyrus video.

  • Unholy Moses

    “She wrote the piece, titled “My Heart Is a Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole,” while on a road trip in Texas. And yet it reads more like she wrote it while on an acid trip in Iowa.

  • ZorakHendrix

    You had me at “Katy Perry’s Boob” …but now I’m feeling a little unfulfilled. (sigh)