Apr 23, 2020
Morning Sideboob: Kim Kardashian’s butt may lie, but Shakira’s never will
If Kim Kardashian’s Butt Pix Aren’t Real, What Do We Have To Live For?
Let’s kick off this morning’s Sideboob with some red-hot controversy about Kim Kardashian. Does she or doesn’t she Photoshop her ass? Over the weekend, Kimmeh posted some booty selfies taken with a friend — LIKE WE ALL DO — but there’s some feverish worrying that those asses are enhanced.
Photoshop master Peejie T. told the website that the recent post-workout snaps, posted by Kim and BFF Blac Chyna, could have been “manipulated” to enhance the new mum’s curvy figure.
He also went on to say that the slight curvature of the door frame could prove that the pics have been altered.
We’re not sure we’re prepared to take the word of someone named Peejie T over the evidence of Kim Kardashian’s ass. We suggest you stare at the picture until you sort it out.
Shakira Maintains Her Perfect Body With Pastries And No Exercise
Speaking of asses, let’s talk about one that puts Kim Kardashian’s to shame. Yes, we’re speaking of the most magnificent ass in Christendom. Shakira. Shakira, who is the cover girl for this month’s Glamour (the British spelling means it is fancy!) gave one of those obligatory interviews that perfect ladies always give magazines where they explain that they have the world’s most flawless body by dint of NOT exercising or watching what they eat:
[On] whether she has gotten any grief from Latin fans about her blond hair or being too thin…
“At the beginning. But my man, Gerard, prefers meat over bone. He doesn’t like too skinny. [Laughs.] That takes pressure off. I already have a lot to worry about. This month I’m not exercising because I have an album to finish and I have a baby. And I like these pastries in front of me.”
Guess what? There is not a person on earth that believes that you get that body by not exercising, taking care of your kid, and eating pastries. But you know what? We don’t care, because it gave us an excuse to show you that magnificent compilation of the best of Shakira’s ass. Thank us later.
Ladies, Charlie Sheen Is Still Sorta Single
On Sunday, Charlie Sheen was lonely. No one was paying attention to Charlie Sheen. This was a situation that simply could not stand, so Charlie Sheen took to the Twitters to tweet something that looked like it got run back and forth and back and forth through an English-to-Stupid translator, but maybe sorta said he had gotten married to his current girlfriend, porn star Brett Rossi:
Cool story, bro! The house that Sheen and his girlfriend were defiling with their presence is the building where the famous 1986 Cold War Summit happened, a fact which we assume was available on a plaque somewhere nearby as there is no way that Charlie Sheen was sober enough in 1986 to remember this event, historic though it may have been.
Haha, though, joke is on you, anyone who pays attention to Charlie Sheen ever, because apparently he was just joshing with you all, as evinced by his snappy #RumorMilUhPede hashtag. Sadly, if you ignore him, he still won’t go away.