Morning Sideboob: Ben Affleck Cuddles The Dead, Madonna Dates The Young, And Tim Gunn Works The Red Carpet

Not A Good Look, Entertainment Weekly

gonegirlewcover

Remember Gone Girl? It’s the book everyone inexplicably read a couple summers ago, but now you couldn’t recall the plot if your life depended on it. No matter, because they’re making a movie, but honestly any future movie will be overshadowed by this bad idea bear of a magazine cover. Yes, that is indeed Ben Affleck cuddling a corpse, artfully (??) arranged to look like the famous Lennon/Ono Rolling Stone cover.

lennon-dakota-9

The only way this could have been worse is if they’d put the dead girl in the John Lennon position. Listen, Gone Girl movie-making people. Is it really smart to immediately associate your new Ben Affleck star vehicle with one of the great American cultural tragedies, because there is no one who looks at that Rolling Stone cover and then doesn’t immediately think of the fact that Lennon was gunned down THE VERY SAME DAY?

Also, no one wants to see Ben Affleck cuddle, dead girl or otherwise. Yeesh.

[dlisted]

Madonna’s Benjamin Button Dating Life Still Going Strong

So Madonna, who is 55, was dating this hot 26-year-old, Brahim Zaibat, and had been for three years.

Brahim Zaibat Attends the LG G2 Smartphone Launch in Madrid on October 9, 2013

Isn’t he pretty?

But apparently once he hit the magic age of 26, he had to be done away with, like 30-year-olds in Logan’s Run. Madonna has traded him in for a 25-year-old Timor Steffens.

article-2535369-1A7A5A2500000578-736_634x655

You have to admit, Steffens’ selfie game is WAY tighter than Zaibat, because Steffens did the ab selfie AND the bathroom mirror selfie. Hot hot double-sided selfie action. We wish the happy couple all the best for the next year, at which point Madonna will kill Steffens and eat his heart in order to swallow his youth, at which point she will promptly begin dating a fetus.

[Daily Mail]

What If They Threw An Awards Show And Nobody Came?

Last night saw the People’s Choice Awards, which bills itself as the first awards show of the awards season, but the rest of us refer to as “huh? what kind of awards show airs on a Wednesday?” We were going to look up who won things, but then we remembered we did not care.

Tim Gunn hosted the red carpet, though, which is fine by us forever because we love Tim Gunn. Here, he interviews Emily Deschanel, the older, less doe-eyed sister of Zooey Deschanel, and in some odd little bit of red carpet schtick, Emily, who plays a forensic anthropologist in Bones, ends up sticking cardboard bones all over Tim Gunn for no reason we can discern. Congrats to everyone that won a thing at this awards show that no one cares about ever.

[Zaibat photo by PR Photos]

You may also like...

  • Mahousu

    Of all the things that gay marriage was supposed to lead to, no one ever mentioned necrophilia. So of course that’s what will now sweep the country. (I.e., make back at most 75% of expenses at the box office and inspire a lot of “Gone Guy” articles about Affleck’s career.)

  • Nitpick: Lennon/Ono.

  • glasspusher

    Awards shows? Gimme a fucking break. People watch these?

  • $73376667

    “I can be zany and unpredictable too! See? See!? Call me, Apple!

  • Ambignostic

    Not-Senator Affleck, you’re no John Lennon.

  • msanthropesmr

    How do they get the picture of the camera in the selfie?