Jul 16, 2014
Morning Sideboob: 50 Cent Jacks It Too Much
It’s the ass-crack o’ dawn o’er here on the West Coast, so you know what that means: time for some hot Morning Sideoob! But first, a few important entertainment details.
Wacky sloth-loving sprite Kristen Bell hosted the 2014 CMT Music Awards. She sang a song about moose knuckle, which is when a dude’s pants are too tight, and probably Real America blushed and hide its demure face whilst giggling primly. Awwwww. Kristen is a cutie patootie and very likeable, in addition to being a smart one. We didn’t watch this program, as our knowledge of country music here in Happyland is limited to Dolly and Johnny and nothing happened after them, right? J/K, we also like bluegrass. Anyhoodle, Carrie Underwood won Video of the Year, because maybe country music people still watch music videos? She is very talented and pretty, so that is nice for her.
50 Cent jerks off way too much and that’s why he had trouble throwing out the first pitch at the Mets-Pirates game last week. We think that is a beautiful and honorable way to obtain a skeletal muscle injury. Also, hasn’t he been shot like 9 times? Let the man jack it in peace.
Pharrell is legit sorry for wearing a Native American headdress on the cover of some fashion magazine. As Pharrell is very talented, cute, and allegedly a vampire, we forgive him. Also, we were not insulted in the first place, but then again, it’s not our culture he’s appropriating, so. Maybe if he dressed up like Frank Sinatra and waved a bunch of gabagool around, then we would be disappointed in him. Actually, we would love that. But it’s not the same thing, so.
Also, she is pregnant. Boobs give life! Let us not forget.
And that was your Morning Sideboob.