Morning Sideboob: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin Go to War

Morning Sideboob: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin Go to War

Start Acting Like Real People Getting Divorced
Sure, they were photographed dining together in the Bahamas right after news broke of their divorce. But the shit is about to get real for Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. The glow of vacation has dimmed and their pasty white skin is starting to feel the itch of a peeling sunburn. The gloves are coming off, and Chris says Gwyneth ain’t fighting fair.

A source says:

Chris now believes that Gwyneth is leaking rumors about his alleged trysts in an effort to sully his image and make him look less sympathetic. Gwyn is so angry that she’s threatening to turn the divorce ugly, saying she’s going to squeeze spousal support out of Chris, despite her multi-million dollar fortune.

It gets better. This source gives a behind-the-scenes look into how Gwyn ran the show in the marriage.

Friends of the couple point to a major double standard, with Gwyneth having pushed for open marriage so she could pursue other men, but demanding absolute fidelity from Chris. Chris is telling friends that Gwyneth was so self-involved that she believed she was more evolved than Chris and that she could better emotionally handle juggling out of marriage relationships with other men.

And even though she’s loaded, Gwyneth is still expecting Chris to pay the reaper.

Gwyneth believes she deserves a settlement of at least a lump sum of $25 million from Chris because he is the breadwinner and their kids will live with her most of the time. She believes Chris should ‘man up’ and do the chivalrous thing. Friends are bracing for an ugly divorce showdown.

Lord, this is getting good.

Selena Just Can’t Quit Justin

Screen shot 2014-04-09 at 11.33.55 AM
She went to rehab earlier this year to (allegedly) kick an addiction to booze and to Justin Bieber. From the video below, it appears Selena Gomez needs a refresher course on both.

Now we’re not saying she’s inebriated, but in the past, when we’ve needed assistance walking because our knees were doing the rubber band dance, it’s because we’ve been knocking ’em back.

The footage is from a late-night visit Selena made to the Hit Factory in Miami, where Justin is recording. The on-again couple is reportedly working on a song together called “Unfamiliar.”

Oh, and the Bugatti Justin posted a snapshot of to Instagram the other day? It wasn’t a gift from Birdman like he tried to imply. Justin is only welcome to borrow the $2 million car when he’s in Miami.

Screen shot 2014-04-09 at 11.45.56 AM

Bye, bye, Birdie.

Lena Dunham Disappointed She’s Straight
You read that right. The “Girls” creator, actress, and all-around badass told the crowd at a Point Foundation event where she was being honored she wished she were queer.

I have always felt a strong and emotional connection to members of the LGBTQ community. It was actually a huge disappointment for me, when I came of age and realized that I was sexually attracted to men. So when my sister came out, I thought, Thank God, someone in this family can truly represent my passions and beliefs.

And when she realized she was straight, then she pined for a set of same-sex parents.

My sister Grace coming out as a gay woman at age 17 was a huge turning point for me in my understanding of the issues facing LGBTQ people. We were raised in an environment—the art world of downtown Manhattan—where no one hid their sexual orientation, and a common question from four-year-old me was ‘Mom, are those ladies gay together?’ I was always very jealous of any child who had two dads.

We’re happy Lena ended up a breeder. If not, we wouldn’t have one of the cutest misfit couples ever.

Screen shot 2014-04-09 at 1.02.13 PM

You may also like...

  • SullivanSt

    A quick look at IMDB does suggest that Gwyneth’s workload tapered noticeably after she married Chris… so her case for spousal support is actually quite strong. Not that it’s easy to get passionate about millionaires asking for more money.

    • $73376667

      I’m in the wrong line of work. I should have been a Hollywood divorce lawyer.

      • SullivanSt

        Just because you get to argue about millions, doesn’t necessarily mean you get to get millions, although they probably do. Sigh. People who think income is an accurate reflection of actual worth are morons. Oh hai, GOP voters!

        • $73376667

          Once I’m rich I’ll be sure to buy all the character and morals I need.

  • gurukalehuru

    I think whichever one of them decided to name their kids Apple and Mongoose, or whatever, should have to pay the other one.