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ABC's Very Special Dirty Dancing Remake
May 30, 2017
Moonwalker (1988) (part 1 of 5)
The Cast of Characters:
Michael Jackson. Basically playing himself. Like Gamera, he is friend to all children everywhere in the world, especially in the “Smooth Criminal” segment in which he saves the world from drugs by turning into a car [!], a robot [!!], and a spaceship [!!!], and dancing a lot and killing a bunch of guys led by… 
Mr. Big (Joe Pesci). Pesci at his Pesci-est. Wants to get all the kids in the world hooked on drugs. Jackson’s version of a Comic Book Villain. 
Katy (Kellie Parker). So adorable, she even has a talking teddy bear. Main function is to get kidnapped and cry out for Michael a lot more than is really necessary. 
Sean (Sean Lennon). John’s younger son and a Jackson buddy at the time. Has no real plot purpose except to root for Michael. 
Zeke (Brandon Parker). Same as Sean, although he also makes an appearance earlier in the film impersonating Michael during an all-kiddie version of “Bad”. This involves him grabbing his crotch a lot, just like the real Michael. Make of that what you will. 
A bunch of Claymation critters. They almost steal the film in their one segment, mostly by displaying acting ability that puts the rest of the cast (save for Pesci) completely to shame.
Michael Jackson. Basically playing himself. Like Gamera, he is friend to all children everywhere in the world, especially in the “Smooth Criminal” segment in which he saves the world from drugs by turning into a car [!], a robot [!!], and a spaceship [!!!], and dancing a lot and killing a bunch of guys led by… Mr. Big (Joe Pesci). Pesci at his Pesci-est. Wants to get all the kids in the world hooked on drugs. Jackson’s version of a Comic Book Villain. Katy (Kellie Parker). So adorable, she even has a talking teddy bear. Main function is to get kidnapped and cry out for Michael a lot more than is really necessary. Sean (Sean Lennon). John’s younger son and a Jackson buddy at the time. Has no real plot purpose except to root for Michael. Zeke (Brandon Parker). Same as Sean, although he also makes an appearance earlier in the film impersonating Michael during an all-kiddie version of “Bad”. This involves him grabbing his crotch a lot, just like the real Michael. Make of that what you will. A bunch of Claymation critters. They almost steal the film in their one segment, mostly by displaying acting ability that puts the rest of the cast (save for Pesci) completely to shame. To read the rest of this article, support the Agony Booth on Patreon.
Rori Stevens
Miss Stevens came to the Agony Booth in the process of looking for reviews of Trail of the Pink Panther and has since established herself as (among other things) a notoriously devoted Peter Sellers fan, a Michael Jackson deconstructionist, and an all-round critiquer. She has delusions of success as a writer but has a day job just in case. "Sapphire" credits whatever success she has as a Boother to her love of the whimsical, eccentric side of cinema - while others might blanche at the madness of the films she's helped recap, she dives in every time.
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