Miss Louisiana USA is Your New Bowe Bergdahl Genius

Miss Louisiana USA is Your New Bowe Bergdahl GeniusMiss Louisiana USA Brittany Guidry is just the most brilliant person we can think of, and it’s a damn pity she only made third runner-up in Miss USA. Noted pageant correspondents Talking Points Memo have a hilarious rundown of her onstage interview. You really need to read this, if you care about America or enjoy chortling with delight. And yeah, we’ve got video.

“The U.S. policy is to leave no soldier behind. Do you think it’s fair to sacrifice or swap lives to uphold this policy?” a judge asked.

“I am glad that we got our guy back,” Guidry answered. “However, I do not feel it is right that we subject ourselves to these acts of terrorism. I do agree with our guy being back but, however, I do not think we should subject ourselves.”

Brittany Guidry is now our Official Terrorism Heroine forever, amen.

It’s so great when we can bring our guys home from the Iraq and such as, but also it is bad when we bring our guys home from the Iraq and such as :(

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  • Are you sure that is Miss Louisiana?Because it looks like Miss Airbrush.

    • Mahousu

      I think she somehow managed to Photoshop herself.

    • Haribo Lector

      No, her face really is that bland and characterless.

  • Small Medium and Large

    Is this Miss Teen South Carolina all growed up, and also?

  • Hammiepants

    Watch out, John Kerry! Coming up next, her Benghazi comments: “Killin’ folks is wrong, fer shure, totally!!!”

  • (((0gham)))

    Seriously, what do you expect? “You, person who is here solely because you are pretty: What do you think about this nuanced red-button current event with geopolitical implications?”It’s like asking your cat about Kant’s philosophy, and then cracking up when it says, “Meow.”Actually, that IS funny. I get it now. Nevermind.

    • D G

      Let’s hear more about this cat’s response to Kant!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        granted, we’re actually talking about Schrödinger’s cat

      • Deleted

        This post was deleted.

  • redheadartgirl

    What’s with the dude hiding his face behind the judge?

    • Skippy2000

      He’s clearly “related” to Ms. LA and knows she’s in deep now! Hilarious!

  • el_donaldo

    Geez. She sure got a huge crowd response, and yet I’m honestly not sure what she thought she was saying. Do morons communicate telepathically now, making intelligible speech unnecessary?

  • Sergio Lira


  • Señor Skwerl

    She then went on to say: “Someday I would like to have pores like normal children.” and fell off the stage with poise.

  • gurukalehuru

    ….and the crowd went crazy.

    • DeSwiss

      Yes. The kind of folks who would sit for hours and hours watching brilliant soliloquies just like that one.

    • They went crazy the second she said something unintelligible at that.

  • DeSwiss

    So third runner-up is really like fourth place, right? Like ”Honorable Mention.” Or that smiley face they give kids in grade school so they don’t destroy their fragile self-esteem in one day. They like to make it last….. :-/

  • MaxUdargo

    I often subject myself, but I always feel ashamed afterward.

  • gingerland62

    She is the perfect GOP wife.

  • cessnadriver

    Caitlyn had a stage freight meltdown. The other one is an idiot.

  • Elaine Kurpiel

    Miss Louisiana….and this is what happens when your make-up is so thick it leaks into the part of your head that used to be a brain.Miss Teen Whatever….fer shure, this is the result of home schooling.

  • AnOuthouse

    The judge is a troll.

  • CptnSpldng

    Chreist ona pony, I’m 40+ years her senior and I don’t wanna be asked those questions in public with a camera in my face! Let’s give her something equally difficult but missing political import. “What needs to be butchered, spitted and grilled – baby goats or baby lambs? Give us your answer NOW and what sauces would you employ?”

    • Haribo Lector

      Both. Neither need sauce if properly seasoned.

  • Haribo Lector

    Well, as Oscar Gamble once said; many people don’t believe that the reported state of affairs is in fact an accurate summary of the way things are, but this belief is erroneous.In related news, I heard that Miss Louisiana has been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. So maybe we should take her more seriously, okay?

    • Ellis_Weiner

      Yes, not okay. Or perhaps you DO think we should subject ourselves. Then ask me this: Who would be the object of our subjecting? The American people. Which people? The ones over there. If only we could get our guys back without subjecting ourselves, that would be a worthy object, i.e., ourselves.

      • Haribo Lector

        What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

        • Ellis_Weiner

          Yes, and well done, too. But I’m wondering: What does any of this have to do with happy nice time people? I’ll take my answer off the air.

          • Haribo Lector

            I assume that after 10 months on the internet you now get the joke.

  • dsmith

    Why not ask them questions like….what is the best eye shadow or lip gloss in your professional opinion?

  • Skippy2000

    Ahhh yes…good ole Miss So Carolina and the injustice of the US Americans not having maps! Painful to listen to but never goes out of style! The best! Ya wanna ask “whatever happened to…” but I fear for the answer!

  • mtn_philosoph

    Her response is more thoughtful and well-reasoned than at least 99% of the pundit blathering about this issue that I have heard or read so far.

  • kfreed

    “U.S. Americans are unable to do so… because some-a people out there in our nation-a don’t have maps… and-a I believe that our education like such as.South Africa and thu Iraq.everywhere such as…”::cringe:: Is English her second language or what? I do declare, she managed to top the Sarah Palin-style word salad even. Woulda bet the farm that it wasn’t possible.

  • NationalGalleryofClipArt

    Louisiana Lightning just struck… in my pants.