Minneapolis finally gets a mayoral candidate who will only masturbate at home like he’s supposed to

Remember Jeff Wagner? He’s the Minneapolis mayoral candidate that filmed his last political ad in a lake, wearing underwear, and drinking coffee. He’s part of a wide variety of weird found in the 35 [!!] candidates running for mayor here. We have to hand it to Mr. Wagner, though. With this last ad, he’s really pulling away from the pack in terms of sheer oddity. PRO-TIP AND SPOILER ALERT: don’t watch this thing at work unless you work like bloggers do, in the filth of your own home, because it is pretty not safe-ish.

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Yes, that was a mayoral candidate simulating—oh, god, we hope he’s simulating—jacking off until he’s interrupted and then takes the opportunity to remind us to vote for him.


His last ad informed us that he would no longer go to strip clubs, but a man has needs, yo. So he’s still going to “yank the dolphin” (is this something people actually say?) but not on mayoral time. Finally, Minneapolis will have the mayor it longs for; the mayor that will keep the city up-to-date on his masturbation habits, the mayor it needs, the mayor it deserves.

(hat tip to City Pages [dead link], though we’re pretty unhappy to have seen this, because once you see you can’t unsee).

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