Miley Cyrus cavorts with druggie fugitives, proves Rand Paul should be president of everything


See, liberal Hollywood, this is why you should never bother to do anything nice for anybody:

The young homeless man who accompanied Miley Cyrus to the MTV Video Music Awards has a warrant out for his arrest in Oregon.

It seems the handsome homeless wannabe model Jesse Helt broke into the apartment of a man who Jesse thought had sold him some bad marijuana. See, kids, pot ruins lives. So many good conservative lessons to learn from this story. But I’m drifting off point, which is why it’s okay to be a selfish asshole, the most important point that a conservative can make.

After getting busted for burglary, Helt failed to keep appointments with his parole officer and then ran off to live on the streets of L.A. while waiting for his modeling career to take off. Yes, really. But since being really, really handsome does inevitably pay off in our society, he caught the attention of America’s favorite fallen sweetheart Miley Cyrus while she was do-gooding at a Hollywood homeless center.

He gained worldwide attention Sunday when Cyrus let him accept her award for video of the year.


“I am accepting this award on behalf of the 1.6 million runaways and homeless youth in the United States who are starving, lost, and scared for their lives right now,” Helt said. “I know this because I am one of these people.”

Since appearing on worldwide television while wanted by the law is the only idea even worse than moving to Hollywood to be homeless aspiring model, police plan to arrest Helt pretty much immediately. They’ve already started banging on doors in places he might be hiding.

BOOM! That’s the sound of everything blowing up in Miley’s face. Another Hollywood bleeding heart limousine communist discovers that caring is stupid. Had just focused all of her time and money on herself, she never would have gotten herself into this mess.

In typical leftist fashion, Miley is trying to change the subject from salacious gossip about her date’s personal history to a meaningful discussion of a broader national issue. Pft, nice try, pinko.

“Does looking down upon the homeless help people excuse their inaction?” [said Cyrus.]

“The media never fails to disappoint. You’ve chosen to go after Jesse instead of covering the issue of youth homelessness.”

Now, I know all you lie-berals are going to whine about a “single incident” not being a “statistically valid sample” to shape your personal life philosophy around, but this isn’t just an isolated example. It’s a HIGH PROFILE isolated example.

Check mate, bitches.

UPDATE:  And when Breaking Bad‘s Aaron Paul mentioned the charity his wife co-founded in his acceptance speech, it crashed the poor nonprofit’s website. The Kind Campaign is an anti-bullying program for schools, not that you’d know that from their crashed website. If he had just been a little more self-centered, this tragedy could have been averted.

You may also like...