Mar 30, 2021
It Is Some Sort Of Magical Mickey Mouse Club Anniversary Year And How Did We Not Know Ryan Gosling Was On There?
We were more excited about the Murphy Brown thing on account of being old, but the youth among you are probably delighted to be rolling around in the online puppy pile that is the 20th anniversary of the year that pretty much everyone joined the Mickey Mouse club.
No, not the 1950s version. We said youth, people! YOUTH. Also, too, the only really famous person to come out of that era was Annette Funicello. COME AT US, OLD BROS. Mickey Rooney Junior does NOT count. And no one even remembers the 1970s version, even though it unleashed Lisa Whelchel on an unsuspecting world, an unleashing that would result in her starring on The Facts of Life (yay!) before becoming one of those terrible evangelical Christian authors that writes books on how to spank your children because that is what shows them Jesus’ love (boo).
People, we are talking about the 1990s version, which had an astonishing lineup of tweens that are still your entertainment problems/guilty pleasures today. The 1993 season starred Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and Ryan Gosling. Hey girl, did we know Ryan Gosling had been a Mouseketeer? Don’t think so. Also, how much does it suck to be the members — Nikki DeLoach, Tate Lynche, and T.J. Fantini — that joined the cast in 1993 and did not go on to enormous fame and fortune? DeLoach, at least, has gone on to have a solidly average acting career, but Tate Lynche and T.J. Fantini have sunk beneath the waves with nary a trace. PROVE US WRONG ON THAT, YOUNG ONES.
Rejected for Mouseketeer roles? Pretty much everyone.
How competitive were tryouts? Consider those rejected: Kirsten Dunst, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Ryan Phillippe, Jessica Simpson, Brittany Murphy, Joey Fatone, Donald Faison and Nick Carter.
We would have given a lot to see Mouseketeer Matt Damon because we bet he would have looked a lot like this but with mouse ears.
If you think we’re not using that picture every chance we get, think again.
The Daily Beast has a full lineup of classic (?!) clips if that is how you roll, but under no circumstances should you fail to watch this one:
We have no idea what kind of hellish 1990s dance Britney is doing there. We have no idea why JT got to show up and do a full toast roots reggae rap complete with tough-guy bandana. We have no idea why they thought it would be good to have these mere children sing “I’ll Take You There,” one of the greatest soul gospel songs of all time.
We love us some current-day Timberlake and even have a grudging respect for how Britney Spears just keeps on keepin’ on, but under no circumstances should either of them ever attempt the Staple Singers again.