A big new Jack Nicholson bio says that when Jack and Meryl Streep were filming “Ironweed” way back yonder in 1987, they made the beast with two backs with such vigor that it was trailer-shaking:

[biography author Mark] Elliot says that the stars—who had previously acted together in “Heartburn”—would reportedly emerge from Jack’s trailer “shaking,” claiming, “Often during shooting, his Winnebago seemed to be balanced on four overworked Slinkys.”[…]

Elliot says everyone on set was talking about the pair, with a source telling the Los Angeles Herald Examiner at the time, “whatever is going on inside that Winnebago it’s starting to get out of hand, to the point where it’s embarrassing a lot of people on the set.”

Let’s face it. Nicholson has been a stud. Anjelica Huston, Lara Flynn Boyle, Michelle Phillips, Anjelica Huston, Anjelica Huston, Anjelica Huston. No, really, dude. How could you fuck things up with Anjelica Huston? What is wrong with you? (Goes back, looks at timeline, realizes Streep was therefore mid-Huston. Looks at timeline again, realizes Streep married to not Jack Nicholson circa 1987 either. Daaayyyyummm.)

Would that Streep was so loose with her affections, because who wouldn’t want to fuck Meryl Streep. Come ON, people. Meryl Streep. The list of people she should fuck instead of Jack Nicholson is staggering.

1) Ryan Gosling

Doesn’t everyone want to fuck Ryan Gosling, or is he no longer That Guy? Even if his time to shine has passed, she should do him anyway, because of what how he is 31 years younger than her, and she’s got to keep up with Nicholson’s unexplained ability to pull chicks half his age.

2) Jessica Lange

Like you wouldn’t watch that.

3) Helen Mirren

Ahem. Like you wouldn’t watch that as well.

4) Bill Clinton

Power likes power, yo.

5) Ronan Farrow

Because everybody should.

[Vanity Fair]

[Lange,Mirren, and Clinton photos copyright PR Photo]