Endorsement: Lee L. Mercer, Jr. for President of the United States

Lee L. Mercer, Jr.

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday, where voters in 22 states (and American Samoa) go to the polls in their states’ Democratic and Republican presidential primaries. The Agony Booth strongly recommends you cast your vote for Lee L. Mercer, Jr. for President of the United States. It doesn’t matter if you’re Democrat or Republican. Just vote for the guy.

He won’t be on the ballot anywhere, so you’ll have to write his name in. But I assure you, he’s a real person, he really has announced his candidacy, and he even has an official website to back it up, which we’ll examine in more detail later.

I wish I could say I endorse Mr. Mercer for his stand on the issues. Because, uh, I’m not really sure where he stands on the issues. In fact, judging by his campaign website, he’s not clear on the precise definition of the word “issue” in the first place.

I wish I could say I endorse Mr. Mercer due to his years of experience. But he seems to have no prior political experience, and his only previous government experience was serving in the Navy as a dental technician.

No, I’m backing Mr. Mercer for one simple reason: He personifies everything the Agony Booth stands for.

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  • Unknown1081

    Killing SMU football wasn’t enough for Clements? (If you don’t get that reference, look up the ESPN 30 for 30 called “Pony Excess” which shows why SMU got the death penalty in football. Clements, as one of the trustees, was in it up to his head.)

  • Guest

    He’s running for 2016 election too!


  • Hollywood Jesus Turdcircleline

    He’s a targeted individual. There’s no rhyme or reason for it. He could have written a book, or had an idea people wanted to steal so they ganged up on him to silence him with MK Ultra and remote neural monitoring. The man is a torture and rape victim. Sure he isn’t fit to be president, but if that means he is too ethical to work in Washington fuck it. Quit sitting on your obedient herd perch and shove it up your fucking ass Dr. Snots. I guess they’re handing out medical licenses at fucking K Mart now too.