Endorsement: Lee L. Mercer, Jr. for President of the United States
Tomorrow is Super Tuesday, where voters in 22 states (and American Samoa) go to the polls in their states’ Democratic and Republican presidential primaries. The Agony Booth strongly recommends you cast your vote for Lee L. Mercer, Jr. for President of the United States. It doesn’t matter if you’re Democrat or Republican. Just vote for the guy.
He won’t be on the ballot anywhere, so you’ll have to write his name in. But I assure you, he’s a real person, he really has announced his candidacy, and he even has an official website to back it up, which we’ll examine in more detail later.
I wish I could say I endorse Mr. Mercer for his stand on the issues. Because, uh, I’m not really sure where he stands on the issues. In fact, judging by his campaign website, he’s not clear on the precise definition of the word “issue” in the first place.
I wish I could say I endorse Mr. Mercer due to his years of experience. But he seems to have no prior political experience, and his only previous government experience was serving in the Navy as a dental technician.
No, I’m backing Mr. Mercer for one simple reason: He personifies everything the Agony Booth stands for.