Masters Of Sex Recap: Masters Is Still 95% Jerk, In Case You Were Wondering
Last week on Masters of Sex, we had all the things. All of them. Mrs. Masters is pregnant, except she now knows Masters shoots blanks. Masters blackmailed the head of his university into letting the sexxxy study stay at the university hospital because Masters is a terrible human being.
Masters is interviewing – and by “interviewing” we mean “staring awkwardly yet angrily at someone else while they talk” a too many buttons unbuttoned sort of dude about how he likes to get it on with his ladies. Apparently this is just a cocktease of a segment, though, because we’re now back four days earlier.
Masters and Johnson are explaining to people about what how they’re going to record people’s physiological reactions while they masturbate. Unsurprisingly, Masters explains everything with a hostile prissiness, while Johnson actually tries to make people comfortable.
Johnson comes home to no sitter and oh hey, unbuttoned dude from four days in the future. How you doing? He’s an ex-husband, maybe? Ex-something. He misses her noises. No, really, that’s his line. She tells him he can’t stay over but then fucks him anyway because she is a Free Spirit.
We’ve clearly jumped forward in time since last episode, because Libby is now five months pregnant and his mother is coming to visit, which leads to the most stereotypical “I dread my mother coming” bit from Masters ever. He’s like a smoothie of bad 1950s man cliches.
Back to Virginia’s bed, which is a much nicer place to be than listening to Masters. The kids are waking her up with demands of cereal and yep, that’s daddy in bed with her, which in the light of day she seems less than thrilled about.
Nope. Not thrilled at all. She wants him to go home, but he has no home to go to, because he’s a deadbeat. Clearly, he thinks he is charming rogue, but he’s just a dick. Oh, and now he’s stone cold asking her for money. Ha he offers to babysit HIS OWN CHILDREN if she will pay him. This is a non-starter, thank god.
Haas has apparently fucked, or tried to fuck, his way through the hospital, with limited success. See? Fucking Virginia Johnson has ruined him. The gay-sex-having provost’s daughter, who is now in college, has come to candy-stripe at the hospital and has been waiting for Haas since she was 16. This will go well.
Time for Virginia to meet Masters’ mom, who is being escorted around the hospital by Libby.
Is anyone else hit by a creeping sense of dread every time Johnson interacts with Masters’ wife since we know that eventually he ditches the wife for Johnson, or is that just me?
There’s an ongoing, and really sad, interlude woven throughout this episode of a pregnant woman who has come to Masters hoping for a tubal ligation because her husband beats her, and she could maybe leave with the kid she has and the kid she’s about to have, but probably not if she has more. We’re 20 minutes in and you’re really hoping that Masters unbends in a way that allows him to make this happen, even though in the 1950s you had to have your husband’s consent if you wanted your tubes tied. Seriously, what the fuck, 1950s?
Oh god, I forgot that KenDoll Dr. Haas is Libby’s obstetrician. He takes the opportunity of getting Libby in the stirrups to explain how he yearns for Johnson and she’s like his Oz and now he doesn’t want to go back to Kansas. Huh?
Ex-husband, who is thus far shaping up to be the biggest asshole imaginable, has shown up at the hospital to participate in the masturbation study, pretending that he doesn’t know Virginia. Dick. He wants to exude swagger, but he just exudes a tedious cockiness that makes you want to punch him in the throat.
Time to watch people masturbate! Including sort of adorably awkward guy that keeps his glasses on during the process. Cad ex-husband keeps trying to Meaningfully Watch Virginia as he jacks off, but she’s having none of it.
Dinner party at the Masters house. Libby has taken the liberty of inviting Haas and Virginia in the hopes of setting them up. Also, too, Virginia is bringing her children. Neither of them know that the other has been invited. Why do we have to head into Three’s Company-level awkward sitcom territory here, what with the secrets and the mis-matching? Oh, dinner party, please end. Wacky stories about Masters from Masters’ mom. Haas getting all Drunky McDrunkerson and trying to have seekrit whisper conversation with Virginia.
Wait, 1950s dinner parties are AWESOME because there is dancing!! Just hanging out dancing in the living room.
1950s, you are horrible to women, but you are pretty dope for dinner parties. Haas sulks and tosses back whiskey because Virginia won’t pay attention to him. He’s drunk as can be, but offers to drive Virginia home, and is comically belligerent when she refuses. Maybe he’ll wrap himself around a tree on the way home and we’ll be done with him.
No such luck. When he gets home, 19-year-old-provost daughter, Vivian, is waiting for him. He invites her in because again, no downside here! He’s drunk and pushy and maudlin and at least a decade older. Hawt. She’s clearly spent her teenage years longing for the guy and dear Jesus why. His tender ministrations, which involve dumping scotch on Vivian, are interrupted because there’s a medical emergency. Drunk doctoring is the best, probably.
Masters’ widowed mom is moving to Saint Louis to be near the soon-to-arrive baby and Masters could not be more of a jerk about it. He’s all sly backbiting and…oh, wait. He’s got a good fucking reason, as apparently mom just stood by while his dad beat him as a kid. Goddamn your past for making me hate you a little less, Bill Masters.
Haas and teenage provost daughter, teenage provost daughter and Haas. Every interaction is just her glowing over how great Haas is, and while he seems to still be wallowing in what a terrible person he is except he is awesome. Bored now.
Virginia comes in to explain to Masters that her ex-husband wandered into the study and she didn’t disclose knowing him, and she’s expecting a big pushback about how she’s wrecked the study and a demand to know who the ex-husband it. Masters says naw mang, it’s cool, but we know it is a lie, because Masters goes racing through the study files until he can figure out who ex-husband is.
We’re back to the future, or present, or whatever. We’re back to the start of the show, where Masters is interviewing Johnson’s ex-husband about just how great he is in bed. Masters tapes the interview so he can listen again and again about how to fuck Virginia while being snappish and short with the actual Virginia. Way to go, Masters. You’re a peach.
Join us next week when Virginia will still be sexy, Masters will still be a jerk, and Haas will probably still be drunk.