Man Trouble (1992) (part 4 of 4)

Harry shows up at Joan’s and is let in by the maid. I’d like to think she’s had it with Joan, and hopes Harry will trash the place, but that’s just me. He looks around the house, but finds nothing apart from a box with his name on it. A card is attached, thanking Harry for being in her life, and how much she loves him and blah blah blah. Given how little chemistry these two have, I’d say that a Fatal Attraction twist would be in order here. The woman is fairly nuts, in my less than professional opinion.

Caption contributed by Ed

All crap and no quality makes Jack a very dull actor.

Harry gets the same look on his face that he had for most of the middle act of The Shining. Cut to nighttime, as Joan watches TV with Helen. They’re watching a talk show featuring the makers of that slasher film we saw an ad for earlier. The director is going on about how women make more “interesting and exciting victims”, while Joan fills out a missing person report on Andy. To be honest, given her personality, I’d say she’s better off missing. The world would be a less annoying place, anyway.

Caption contributed by Ed

Note the “very upset” remark on the form, maybe the only near-chuckle in the movie.

Joan walks Helen out to give her a ride home, and the sinister chords of suspense return. Oh good, the stalker subplot is back. I can’t tell you how much I missed it, mainly because I’m not a liar.

There’s some shadowy movement, which Joan just barely catches. As she turns her headlights on, a hooded figure rushes up and buries an axe into the hood of the car. Joan tries to back out, but the figure manages to close the garage door, trapping them inside. You know, it really says something that the makers of the Friday the 13th films did this sort of scene much better.

Caption contributed by Ed

“Great, another movie and another scene of me being menaced! I’m too old for this shit!”

Joan bails out under the garage door, leaving Helen behind, who conveniently has a broken leg. Well, it wouldn’t be a movie without Veronica Cartwright getting hysterical and red-nosed, I guess. All we need is for her to get killed, and it’ll be the rough template for every other movie she appears in. Helen stands outside calling for help from the maid and Duke. You know, as opposed to just opening the garage door and letting the dog get in there and have a nut sandwich. Jesus, this woman would be lucky to be called brain dead.

Joan runs back into the garage and tries to fight the attacker off. You know, at this point in a slasher film, Jason would just axe her through the head and call it a day. Instead, the attacker is now choking her, and I apologize if I’m making this sound at all exciting, because it really isn’t. Helen gets out of the car and attacks the guy with her crutch, but she gets knocked down. Joan manages to bite the guy, driving him back. And then, for some reason, she utters a battle cry and rushes forward. God, even the dumbest of slasher movie victims aren’t this stupid. This move goes shockingly well, and the guy runs off.

Meanwhile, inside, the dog is chasing the maid.

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Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Man Trouble (1992)

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