Madonna Goes To Art Jail

Madonna Goes To Art Jail

Madonna has been having some Thoughts y’all. First, Madonna is being oppressed. She is in Art Jail, because of fascism and dictators, and she would like to tell you about it for the length of a 17-minute tone poem about art being crushed by the fascist dictators of corporate branding and trendiness and some other fascist dictators too, we forget which, she keeps talking for 17 minutes.

I did my tour of duty this year. I saw many things I did not like. I saw apathy, I saw intolerance. I saw desperation and poverty.

Hmmmm, you know who might be able to help with desperation and poverty, particularly, say, in a place like Malawi? Madonna might, that is who might!


Here is the thing. This video is preposterous — “this revolution will not be televised, it won’t be on the internet, it won’t be an app on your iPhone … YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO DOWNLOAD IT.”

Madonna, babes, WE JUST DID.


There is a baby carriage on fire, with a goosestepping Nazi in front of it. Then there are NYPD officers, doing how they do.

But while it’s entirely ridiculous, it’s also so so beautiful. From the Chicago rip at the beginning, where she goes around murdering Fake Louise Brooks, to the incredible dance throughout — all those beautiful men leaping and hyperextending their shoulders — and then she croaks out a mournful “My Country Tis of Thee” dirge, because Madonna has never met a hoary cliche she couldn’t beat to death with just the power of her shrill voice.

“Sometimes I want to beat myself up,” she cries. “Why did I let all that doubt into my head???” she cries. “Into my belief system? WHY?”

All this time, she’d been oppressing … herself! The call was coming from inside the house!

So Art for Freedom is about … expressing yourself, we guess.

Why don’t we learn how to express ourselves from a real master?

Yes, that’s the one.

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  • $73376667

    JesusfuckingChrist she did not just lift the Paultard logo…

    • rebecca

      Oh, but she did, Guppy. SHE DID.

      • $73376667

        Suddenly the FetLife mash-up makes more sense: This is the third Atlas Shrugged movie.

        • redarmyzombie

          Still better, amazingly, than the original.

  • x111e7thst

    Thank you for the reminder to brush off some old S&M fantasies and take them for a quick spin

  • gingerland62

    Madonna is revolting.

  • Say what you will about this NYU freshman who has just discovered Patti Smith and Bertolt Brecht, but she does a TERRIFIC impression of Madonna circa 1989.

  • FauxAntocles

    Staying relevant is such a struggle – sometimes you just need to let it go.

  • msanthropesmr

    Thank you for watching and analyzing so that I didn’t have to.

  • spookymotion

    It’s no “Rasberry Reich”

  • Annie Towne

    Turn the sound off and enjoy the Asian dancer doing those amazing Martha Graham-esque kicks. Oh, and imagine that Madonna really is stuck in a jail cell somewhere.

  • QballK

    My penis is confused. In the first picture Madonna’s bewwwwwbs are prominent and titillating(teehee), and the lighting seems to give the illusion that she is actually sexually attractive in an actual physical way and not an attractive in a sort of dangerous way.I know full well that I’ve never found the woman attractive whatsoever.Can someone please help my penis and I sort this matter out and reach some sort of conclusion? A happy ending if you will?

  • Mickey Bitsko

    Get ‘er done. I mean her career. Get it over with, please!

  • calliecallie

    Oy, that was pretentious. But to be fair, she still looks darn good for a woman in her 50s.