Erik Estrada Throws His ‘ChiPs’ In For Movie About Atheists Oppressing Sad Christian Schoolchildren
Liebruls, we’ve lost the love and affection of Erik Estrada, except for the part where we probably didn’t really have it in the first place. Yes, Estrada — he of the pearly whites, the sparse-but-still-manly-you-guys chest hair, and the tall cop motorcycle boots favored by boot fetishists everywhere — is deploying his thespian talents to star in the latest arglebargle Christian oppression scarefest from the white-hot Liberty Counsel studios, which has already given us necessary cultural touchstones like the upcoming “day of purity,” because bitches be sluts, yo.
Now the auteurs at Liberty have turned their lens to the crushing burden that evangelical children face by being forced to attend godless public schools, a crisis of breathlessly epic proportions:
What do we really know about religious liberties in public schools? Can students pray? Can they have a bible study? Can they mention God or even wear a Christian themed t-shirt? The prayer in public school debate has caused a firestorm in the past; but with this film Liberty Counsel hopes to set the record straight.
Urm. Actually every public school everywhere has now been pounded on the skull by the Supreme Court and Liberty Counsel-type people long enough that everyone knows that yes, those things are actually totally legal because of a convenient fiction where we pretend that it isn’t really prohibited religious activity if evangelical adults puppet-master students into bringing that shit to school. But hey! The actual factual truth of things should in no way stop you from stirring up the masses with a not-even-at-all-veiled propaganda piece, and this thing will be a hit with the kids FOR SURE because nothing screams “relevant” to today’s teens like Erik Estrada.
It’s “Hey kids, let’s put on a show” crossed with Glee crossed with a Very Special After School Special, crossed with Jesus, multiplied by the completely failed star power of Estrada as the kindly janitor who is the only person that will help these theater kids get all Christian up in here.
You can’t wait, right? RIGHT. Which is why the bigwigs at Liberty Counsel Studios R Us are giving you the opportunity to host a premiere of the film or let you pay $50 of American monies to show this thing at your church. Surely one of you people will pony up $50 and invent a church so that we can get a copy of this thing. Otherwise we will have to wait, breathlessly, edge-of-seating, for January 18, 2014:
Thomas Road Baptist Church
1 Mountain View Road, Lynchburg, VA
Walk the red carpet with the cast and crew of the film Uncommon as we bring Christian Hollywood to Lynchburg! Join Erik Estrada, Ben Davies, Jason Crabb and other featured celebrities from the film at the World Premiere of Uncommon!
Nothing says “sticking it to Hollywood” like a film premiere in a church in Virginia. Those liebruls like Barbra Streisand and Steven Spielberg are probably shaking in their boots right now and figuring out how they can convert to Christianity, find a welcoming Baptist church, and make a heartwarming fairy tale about murdering atheist schoolteachers everywhere, all before the holiday movie season 2014. Perhaps it can be about a long-retired California Highway Patrol officer who comes out of hibernation to help us all learn the true meaning of Christmas.
We smell Oscar!