Let’s Talk About Donald Sterling’s Girlfriend, ‘V. Stiviano’: Bitch Set Him Up!

Let's Talk About Donald Sterling's Girlfriend, 'V. Stiviano': Bitch Set Him Up! That was a fun weekend of yelling at racist shitbag Donald Sterling, wasn’t it? Well the NBA and Mr. Sterling want you to know: bitch set him up! The lawsuit Sterling’s wife filed against Stiviano seeking the return of millions in “gifts”? Stiviano “embezzled” those. Yes, she embezzled them right through his wizened old pump.

First let’s imagine for a moment being married to Donald Sterling. Even aside from what he looks like and how he acts, let’s imagine his constant preening about his boning of all the women, for cash.

sterling deposition

What a fucking stud.

That would make us mad, if we were Donald Sterling’s wife! Also, how he constantly takes his bimbos to his games and sits courtside with them in front of G_d and everyone, and plus how he is Donald Sterling.

It would probably make us more likely to divorce him, though, and take half of his more than a billion dollars, rather than sue his mistress to demand she give back all the shit he gave her. Like, one BILLION dollars > a (really nice) condo and some Bentleys, that is just math.

So we all get that Shelley Sterling is mad, right? But maybe she is mad at the wrong person (hint, the person who did not marry her and be her husband).

Well, now this soapy lawsuit, which Shelley Sterling filed IN PUBLIC claiming her husband is a doddering, easy mark for pretty griftresses, has become V. Stiviano’s motive in setting him up (which, obvs, she did), as the NBA released a statement explaining that she was being sued for “embezzling” $1.8 million and vowing to “get even.”

Maybe she even did! But while we are Not A Lawyer, we don’t know any definition of “embezzlement” that includes “received gifts willingly bestowed as payment in full by the octogenarian who is sexing your nubile young body.” BRB, gonna check with Lisa. She says “not that she knows of,” and that is good enough for us.

We think most of our readers will agree that $1.8 million or so is fair remuneration for the work of doing sex with, and being whined at by, Donald Sterling. While it may not be the career path many of us choose, it is honest and time-honored work, the emphasis on work.

So now it seems to us V. Stiviano might have a claim for slander against the NBA. Any ambulance chasers in the comments want to offer V. Stiviano their services? We bet she’d take it out in trade.

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  • Señor Skwerl

    The Drama Llama is especially powerful with this trio.

  • msanthropesmr

    One can only imagine this stud’s answers when actually asked about sex, rather than his handwriting.

    • Mahousu

      However, one cannot imagine anyone actually wanting to ask this stud about sex.

  • $73376667

    “Is this your handwriting?” is the punchline of the year.

    • Greg Comlish

      I want to lampoon it, but it’s already perfect. Even the timing is spot on.

  • PubOption

    If that’s how Sterling answers a question about his handwriting, it was either a very unusual question or he is senile.

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  • Swampgas_Man

    It would only be “Embezzlement” (warning: English Major, not Lawyer) if Sterling was stealing from his business to give her moneez. Even then, would HE be considered the crook?

  • Greg Comlish

    Oh that letter is hilarious. Oh man, that is a gem.

  • BMW

    I like how her hat says something about “pimp’s and ho’s”.

  • For some reason, the 1% men have always been so easily besotted by mulatos

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  • Tricia

    The deposition! LOL The deposition LOL! I almost peed my pants. “Sir the question was is this your hand writing? I CAN NOT! :-D #dead

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