Jul 15, 2014
Let’s Imagine A Terrible Backstory For This Anthropologie Model
Walking on Venice Beach, Melissa saw Baxter making out with a girl she didn’t recognize. Furious, she stalked up to the pair, kicking sand in their faces and upsetting the box of Franzia on their blanket. She didn’t care who heard the animal scream that emerged from the depths of her being. She was livid.
“The fuck?” Baxter said, looking up in rage. When he recognized his wife, his expression turned to horror.
“My God,” he whispered. “Melissa. I’m so sorry. Please, not the axe.”
“What axe?” the girl on the blanket squealed. “Who’s Melissa?”
Melissa withdrew the miniature axe she always kept wrapped in velvet and tucked inside her vagina. As she bludgeoned Baxter to death, she made sure not to get any of his blood and gore on her beautiful pullover-style pink dress.
“Oh my fuck!” the girl on the blanket shrieked. “You’re a fucking monster!”
Melissa swiftly strangled the young lady with her tasteful brass and white jade Altadena necklace. Then she smiled at a passing surfer.
“Wanna ride the waves?” the surfer asked, making deep and meaningful eye contact.
“Death to all men,” Melissa whispered, and chopped his head off.
The Costa Swing Dress retails for $118.00.