Let Happy Help You Get Laid This Valentine’s Day By Teaching You To Make Chocolate And Rose Water Truffles

Let Happy Help You Get Laid This Valentine's Day By Teaching You To Make Chocolate And Rose Water Truffles

A romantic equation traditionally includes chocolate and roses to equal a romantic outcome. What if we mash those two things together? Happy readers can woo the dickens out of Valentine’s Day with Chocolate and Rose Water Truffles.

If you have a smoochie pie, you should make some chocolate truffles. If you feel persecuted by romantic holidays, so did St. Valentine. He got killed on February 14th. This day is about romance and resentment, so there is something here for everybody. Don’t feel left out!

More than a few of you might be worried about the rose water thing, because you are concerned about eating something fragrant. You should know that rose water was edged out of popular cooking in the 19th century by vanilla, and used to be pretty darn common. Rose water is still used throughout Middle Eastern cuisine, from candy to beverages. It’s a pretty cool substitute for wine in recipes if your religion keeps you from getting your drink on. Therefore, I can guarantee you that this truffle recipe will not taste like a bouquet, but will have the same depth of flavor as you have become accustomed to in fine chocolates paired with wine.

Truffles are a fancy word for round fudge balls. If you look at the recipes for either of these things online, the one glaring difference is heavy cream versus sweetened condensed milk. If you are not a candy maker but you can make fudge, you can make truffles. My truffles do not have a chocolate shell, because — I’ll be honest — I’m the kind of person who just wants the soft center. The money is in the middle. The real word for the middle is ganache, a French word for jowl. It is appropriate to stuff your face with fudge, as it is to line your cheeks with ganache.

Please remember to find some non-evil chocolate for this recipe. There is an app for that here.

Chocolate and Rose Water Truffles

100ml heavy cream (almost 1/2 cup)
3 tbsp. raw honey (more to taste)
2 c. chopped bittersweet baking chocolate, at least 66% cocoa
2-3 tsp. rose water, food-grade only
2 tbsp. unsalted butter, room temperature

Coating Suggestions

Murray River Salt (it’s pink!)
Chopped nuts
Cocoa powder
Finely ground espresso beans

Heat the cream and honey on the stove. Put the chopped chocolate in a medium sized glass bowl, and let the cream and honey come to a boil. Pour this over the chocolate and let it sit still for about a minute, then stir the beejesus out of it. You want this mixture to me smooth and silky. Add the butter, stirring constantly to avoid chunkiness. Stream in the rose water as you stir. Pour this into a shallow pan, like a medium-sized casserole dish, and cover it with plastic wrap to keep it from forming a skin on the top.

I refrigerated my ganache overnight. On the following day I left the pan on the kitchen counter to warm up to the point when they were pliable, but not room temperature. It’s still wintertime where I live, so this part of the program took about two hours. I hope you live in a more reasonable climate – maybe you won’t have to wait as long. Scoop teaspoons of chocolate from the pan and roll it in your palm to form a ball. Be quick about it – the warmth of your hands will cause the truffles to melt. With any luck, you had the good sense to wash your fingernails and hands first, or invested in a pair of disposable plastic gloves.

Roll the truffles in your choice of coatings. I went for pecans, Murray River salt, and some raw sugar. Apparently, I am not yet diabetic with hypertension. Maybe you like powdered espresso beans or cocoa powder. One of you might try a crushed Ambien, which is NOT taking your medicine as prescribed, and I do not want to know more.

Refrigerate the truffles in a sealed container for up to a week. Pretty sure they will be all gone before a week is up, because this is a thing to share.

If no one loved you before making truffles, they might now. Even if you’re not looking for a special someone, you ought to love yourself enough to try this out, because chocolate.

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  • rebecca

    I adore you.