Ladies, your endless pawing at your genitals isn't winning you any friends in Heaven

Ladies, Your Endless Pawing At Your Genitals Isn't Winning You Any Friends In HeavenHey ladies! How’s it hanging? And by “it,” I mean your engorged clitoris, which you are currently diddling because of Satan and lust and sadness and idolatry and the “void” that is your ginny. Let’s all get out our hand mirrors and hold them up to inspect … OUR SOULS!

The “her.meneutics” (get it? good one!) section at Christianity Today has a fine piece by Jordan Monge that is … weird? Like, it is telling ladies to stop their infernal batin’, but it is the somewhat less patriarchal and sexist answer to all the other sermons about why ladies should stop batin’?

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I don’t know, it’s kind of confusing, you guys. Basically, Monge says LISTEN YOU DUMB PASTORS, STOP BEING SEXIST PIGGIES and assuming men are driven by lust while delicate sexless ladies are just turning the shower nozzle on their hoohas because they’re psychologically damaged! Women do too have sex drives and physical desires! They are not just diddling their beans or ramming giant black dildos up there because of having “attachment issues” or the desire to “fill a void.” (Actually, that’s exactly why women masturbate.)

And then, having said all that, and that sex is good and orgasms are great, and sexual desire and pleasure are nice and not dirty filthy tricks of The Debbil, she reminds us all to STOP HAVING IT outside our marital beds, with our (presumably male) husbys, and certainly not by our own hand should we be, say, unmarried sad spinster crones, like SOME OF US I could name.

To fully address female masturbation, we don’t need more psychoanalysis about sex that implicitly negates female sexuality. We need a biblical approach that recognizes both the immense pleasure of the female orgasm and the inherent goodness of sexual desire while reserving its proper place for within marriage.

We need a strategy that recognizes the sin of lust and calls it by its name, rather than pretending that women have no agency beyond reacting to environmental stressors or psychological difficulties. We must treat lust like other sins—not a way we act out as a consequence of other problems in our lives—but as a sin requiring us to learn the discipline of self-control that we must master if we ever hope to be the women God made us to be.

It was all so promising! And then Jesus had to swing by and fuck everything up.

[ChristianityToday]

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