Nov 21, 2019
After Your Hard-Fought Bat’leth Battles, Slake Your Thirst with Klingon Nerd Beer for Nerds
NuqneH’, warriors! Are you the manliest of social outcasts? Are constructed languages and impractical weaponry totally your jam? How about getting drunk, is getting drunk your jam too? If so, you are in luck! You can enjoy all of these things together in one bottle of Warnog (the nog of war!), thanks to the hardworking brewmasters at Tin Man Brewery, in Evansville, Indiana, which is apparently a real place and not some science fiction fantasy land.
Klingons, which are a race of aliens/peoples/whatevs on “Star Trek,” which you know unless you have never owned a teevee, started out as Soviets iiiin spaaaace! but eventually that niche got filled by the Borg, so instead they ended up being Space Vikings. So we guess it is appropriate that the beer in question is a Dunkelweiß, which is Klingon for “dark white” beer (say what?), made with wheat. We like fancy beers in our mouth-holes but we know fuck all about them, but we like dark, and we kind of like wheat we guess (???), and we sure as hell like getting drunk, so this sounds good. Especially with this:
[the] aroma [which] is predominantly mild banana and clove produced by the German wheat yeast, supported by subtle sweet malt character from the use of Munich malt. The flavor draws heavily from the blending of the rye malt and traditional clove character … The inclusion of wheat and caramel malts help to round out the mouthfeel of this beer
Very impressive, cowardly human! Bananas and caramel – truly fitting for the mightiest of warriors!
Yr Snipy asked us if we planned on tasting it, and surely we do! We love conlangs and teevee and space Vikings and eating gagh and getting drunk and singing songs of mighty Kahless, and slamming beer cans against our weird ridgy foreheads while yelling Qapla’! But sadly, it is not available yet, probably because the FDA has not yet approved drinks from outer space for public consumption. It is going to be available later this year via the Federation of Beer, which is a real thing that really exists, and is already distributing Vulcan ale in Canada, and this plus that whole health care thing cements our notion that we need to go live in Canada now, right now.
Gene Roddenberry could have scarcely dreamt of this bright utopian future we are lucky enough to live in. The merchandising possibilities of Star Trek drinks are endless. When we are hung over the next morning from our Warnog, will we be able to drink a Star Trek -branded raktajino next? Hmmm?