King Solomon's Mines (1985) (part 3 of 6)

Allan picks up Jesse and Umbopo, leading to the most offensive element of the movie (to me, at any rate). You see, it turns out Umbopo is deathly afraid of traveling in moving vehicles. Not in a humorous “Snakes, why did it have to be snakes!” sort of way, either. He covers his eyes like a teenage girl dragged to a horror movie by her boyfriend.

And this guy will play a key part in the third act, so remember him well.

Caption contributed by Ed

The three primary reactions most people have while watching this movie.

Allan and company escape, taking time out to free Dogati’s slaves. After a rather limp car chase, we cut to an empty field the next day.

There’s some bland bantering between Allan and Jesse (they’ve got nothing on Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner), and then they’re off to track down the train. Since we can’t go for an entire minute without some odious humor, Allan and Jesse take the car while Umbopo chooses to jog in front of it.

Caption contributed by Albert

Coming this summer, the inspirational story of one of those Kenyan guys who always win the New York City Marathon!

Goddamn, I should probably feel bad for the actor, but then again, he was in American Ninja 4, which… Let’s just say that you won’t be seeing a recap of that movie from me, unless I get really desperate for material. It might make for a good video review, however: it would just be a shot of the poster and then a five second clip of me yawning before cutting to black. But I digress.

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Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: King Solomon's Mines (1985)

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