Feb 25, 2019
Kim Kardashian: Superstar (The Clean Version) (2007) (part 1 of 5)
This Friday, the latest magnum comedy opus from the writing/directing duo of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer will hit theaters. I’m sure you’ve heard of them—they’re the same ones who gave us Epic Movie, recapped on this very site. And going by that movie alone, it’s safe to assume Disaster Movie will be a tired spoof of a dozen films, none of which are disaster movies, and almost all of which are actually comedies.
It’s also safe to assume other things: Disaster Movie will feature characters from these comedies repeatedly getting smacked in the face. Disaster Movie will contain no actual humor. And Disaster Movie will make an ungodly sum of money in its opening weekend.
But most important of all, Disaster Movie will be the feature film acting debut of Kim Kardashian.
Well, that’s not completely true. Technically, Kim made her acting debut over a year ago, in a movie titled Kim Kardashian: Superstar. It wasn’t a feature film, though. In fact, it went directly from Kim’s camcorder to porn websites.
Yep, this is Kim’s infamous sex tape.
But don’t panic. This is a clean, safe-for-work recap. There are no explicit images in this recap, and no explicit language. Anything that could be the slightest bit controversial or offensive has been censored for your protection. This is not because I have anything against porn—perish the thought—but rather, I figured I’d give myself a challenge. Also, I wanted to answer the age-old question: Once you take out all the hardcore sex, is there anything that we, as a nation, can learn from celebrity sex tapes?
In fact, I’d like this to be the first in a series of safe-for-work recaps of celebrity sex tapes. And given how many celebrity sex tapes are floating around out there, I’ve got enough material to last for years. And hopefully, it’ll be a good long while before I have to resort to the Verne Troyer sex tape.