KFC Corporate Headquarters Briefly Restores Faith In Humanity (No, We Are Serious)

KFC Corporate Headquarters Briefly Restores Faith In Humanity (No, We Are Serious)

You know what sucks? People. All people. Everywhere. (Well, except you beautiful people reading this here blog.) But there is a special place in imaginary hell for the patrons of KFC in Jackson, Mississippi. A three-year-old girl got attacked in the face by a pit bull and had facial injuries. Then, on the way back from a doctor’s appointment, her grandmother takes her to KFC, where they are asked to leave because the girl’s face is TOO DISTURBING FOR PEOPLE EATING AT FUCKING KFC. 

Really, people? Really? Are you for serious?

[A] 3-year-old who reportedly was asked to leave one of the company’s Jackson restaurants because her facial injuries disturbed other patrons…

That can’t be true. Maybe this is an exaggeration or something. Because what kind of awful, terrible, sub-human shit-weasels would do such a thing?

She [the girl’s grandmother] says she was then approached by an employee. “They just told us, they said, ‘We have to ask you to leave because her face is disrupting our customers,’ ” she told, WAPT.

So people are totally ok with strapping on feed bags and shoveling a bowl of mashed potatoes, cheese, fried chicken, and gravy into ginormous faceholes because they are too goddam lazy to actually eat a meal with separate components, but a little girl with a face injury is too much?

See, this is gross. This should make you want to leave KFC, not a three-year-old girl.

And to make things worse, the corporate office got involved once they learned about it. Oh great. They will probably just hide behind fancy lawyers and claim that gross facial injured little girls can just eat at Arby’s or something. Because all people suck. Go ahead and prove us right:

“As soon as we were notified of this report on Friday, we immediately began an investigation, as this kind of hurtful and disrespectful action would not be tolerated by KFC,” spokesman Rick Maynard wrote Sunday in an email to The Associated Press. “Regardless of the outcome of our investigation, we have apologized to Victoria’s family and are committed to assisting them. The company is making a $30,000 donation to assist with her medical bills. The entire KFC family is behind Victoria.”

Wait a second. That is not full of any kind of suckitude. None at all. In fact, there is an apology, and a rather generous donation to help this little girl with her medical bills. How… nice :)

Our small, cold hearts have been warmed. Maybe this world does have decent people in it. Maybe there is a place in this world for happy, nice time articles. If we were cynical, we would say that KFC has a great PR team that wants to get ahead of this story. No, we won’t succumb to that kind of thinking. This is actually a good story of a corporate headquarters doing the Right Thing. Bravo, guys and gals. And despite our love for organic, free-range, GMO-free, cage-free, vegetarian soy-based chikn-shaped product, we tip our hats to the corporate folks at KFC for doing what they can to right this wrong.

We don’t know what their investigation will turn up, but we hope that they empower their managers around the country to tell patrons who are disturbed by injuries to a little girl to just stuff their faces with Extra Crispy chicken tenders slathered in gofuckyourself sauce.

We here at Happy Nice Times hope that Victoria has a full recovery. And if she continues to eat regularly at KFC, we encourage KFC to chip in for her Type 2 diabetes treatment in college.

[Clarion Ledger]

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  • glasspusher

    Sad that the KFC folks were such incredible twits, but great that KFC corporate’s good hearts (and wallet) eclipsed that many times over. Who are the horrible customers who complained, and the employee who followed up? What kind of culture produces such people?I worked at KFC for two crummy months back when I was a sophomore in high school, but they prudently kept me away from the customers and back in the fry room.

    • Swampgas_Man

      KFC lords&masters could very easily have blown this off w/ a half-assed apology, like any corporate scum caught in a P.R. “oopsie”. The donation part almost –ALMOST, that is– restored some of my faith in humanity. Then again, my psych meds have been temporarily stopped, and I get emotionally overcome at the damnedest things. Cried my eyes out at a Cosmos program the other week, for Christ’ssake.

  • goonemeritus

    I never go to KFC but this might sway me to give theirchicken pot pie a try. How bad could it be one minute you don’t have a pot pie and the next minute you do.

    • glasspusher

      I used to work there in HS, and I still go there a couple times a year.

  • glasspusher

    Also, follow the linky- shows the little girl. ADORABLE.I’m pretty sure when my son did a face plant wiping out on his bike when he was 7, if I had taken them to this KFC, we both would have been shot. W. T. F.

    • emmelemm

      I just clicked the link, and eh, I’ve probably looked worse on a given day. Shit, I mean, she’s wearing an eyepatch, for heaven’s sake.Friend of a friend of mine had brain cancer and had to have his eye removed for it to be operated on. He did not care for wearing either a glass eye or an eyepatch most of the time. An empty eye socket can be … unnerving.

      • Yep.

        Yeah, that’s almost inconsiderate, IMO. Besides, if you only have one eye, wear the damn eye patch, because eye patches are fucking cool. If I drank, that would be the perfect way to get some free rounds in a new bar – have a windy How I Lost My Eye story at the ready, or just make it up as you go along and tell a different person a different story until they’re like “Uh, you told my brother you lost it at your son’s Kindergarten in a coat hook mishap, but you told me it was because you’re the Seal Team 6 guy who blew up the helicopter and shrapnel… Which One Is IT??” And that would be a hoot.

      • glasspusher

        My godmother’s hubby had a glass eye. When they told me, I was a little kid, and I couldn’t even bring myself to go inside when they visited (usually during the summer)…I’d just hang out in the backyard……oh, and best of luck to your acquaintance. Cancer sucks.

    • discus_sucks_ass

      like all little girls all she really wants are hugs and that (hopefully EX) KFC employee and those customers gave her was a figurative kick in her stomach. I just hope she did not hear the stupid remarks…

      • AnOuthouse

        She wants a unicorn too.

  • JohnBull

    This is one of those Christian towns with good Christian values.

  • Dragoon21b

    Ok small point of contention…There is No such thing as a “Pit Bull” It’s not a breed look it upIt would be far better to say the girl was attacked by “A dog…”Just one of those things that makes my teeth ache

    • glasspusher

      You know what bugs me no end? People (especially within my neighborhood) who get dogs and then don’t take care of them well enough, leave them out to bark all day or night, mistreat them to the point where they do bite people. That bugs me.

      • NoNotThatOne

        You need to meet a former friend of mine (Hi, Ed). I had to sit with two dogs of his as each to be put down due to neglect. He had the nerve to ask me to sit with the first one during the “procedure” because it upset him. Two main reasons he’s a former friend. Well, the dogs and the fact he’s a narcissistic asshole.

        • glasspusher

          So very, very, not cool. My cats don’t keep my neighbors up- they don’t howl at the moon. I’ve gone over to some neighbors and said “Your dog barks a lot. Why do you ignore him and keep him outside all the time? Can I walk him? I just want him to stop barking. He’s a good dog…”

    • DDM

      Apologies for making your teeth ache. That does not sound fun at all. But we hear that Famous Bowls may also be good for toothaches, so we suggest a trip to KFC. And we’ll try not to use pit bull again, unless we are referring to a pop culture figure with that name, because calling him ‘a dog’ would be just plain rude.

    • damanoid

      “Correction: the original article referred to a ‘pit bull.’ In fact, the animal involved in the incident was a dangerous, unstable dog of no particular breed, whose owners and everyone else on the planet referred to as a ‘pit bull.’ We regret the error.”

  • NoNotThatOne

    If only they cared about the treatment of the hormonally charged chickens they served.

    • discus_sucks_ass

      and THAT is why I stopped eating there years ago, that “chicken” is over-salted and tasteless.

  • Whoa. Go KFC… I guess? Fair is fair.

  • Crank Tango

    I’m surprised they didn’t…puts on sunglasses…DOUBLE DOWN yeeeaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

  • DeSwiss

    Remember to mark this day on your calendars kids.

  • discus_sucks_ass

    Oops, sorry, I posted a link to a Fathers day story that is pretty dammed sweet forgetting this is an anti-guy site…so of course it was deleted.

  • Yep.

    I’m glad you posted the oblig Patton Bowl bit so I don’t have to.

  • Harry

    Only one person is saying this happened. Gramma. She is lying, just wait and see. This never happened and she/the family is trying to get money, which she has gotten. And nobody cares about the truth because they love being mad and wont stick around till the truth comes out. This is pissing me off how many believe this but have no evidence.Seriously, have you ever seen someone do this to a person? Is this something you think would really happen? C’mon….. you know it is too perfect to have been someone being that stupid and mean.