Jon Stewart Literally Parboils Jerks Who Fear Immigrant Children (Video)

Jon Stewart Literally Parboils Jerks Who Fear Immigrant Children (Video)Jon Stewart took on the latest round of rightwing anti-immigrant panic Tuesday night, reminding us of that simple lesson that we all learned as children: “I was always taught by my parents to follow the Golden Rule: Whenever you see a kid in trouble, yell at them in a language they don’t understand.”

Mostly, it’s just a matter of the little nippers simply not paying attention. You know how kids are:

If I have told kids fleeing violence and poverty once, I’ve told them a thousand times: Immigrant minors seeking asylum post-2007 must apply at their consulate and use form N-400 and a biometrics fee. Then appear for a series of processing interviews to ascertain priority determination. Unless they have family living in the United States, in which case they file form I-130, and then you file DS-260 under your NBC case number Unless, of course, you have skills attractive to an employer. Well, do you? Do you, child fleeing violence and poverty? Because if you do, you’re gonna want to go with form I-140. I mean, it’s not that difficult, child.

And so we have a genuine immigration crisis. Unless you’re Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert, who’s like “Old Faithful, if instead of hot water, it regularly shot out stupid.” Gohmert thinks it’s an “invasion,” in which case he also believes that Congress should use its power to call up the military, because presumably we should be shooting these little kids before they can walk right up to the Border Patrol and turn themselves in. Stewart sees a possible problem with Gohmert’s idea: “I’m not a military expert, obviously, but generally, an enemy invasion force is not particularly dangerous until it can reach and open its own cereal.”

But this is, after all, America, and we have always been “a nation of immigrants who hate the newer immigrants.”

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