Sep 20, 2018
Jon And Kate Plus 8 Dude Now Waits Tables And We Are Dumb Enough To Write About It Like Everyone Else
Remember when Jon and Kate Plus 8 was an actual thing and people gathered around the modern-day-hearth to watch a show about some Duggar-like family, the Gosselins, who were supposedly perfect because of the sheer number of children they were raising? But then the dad started stepping out in a particularly Ed Hardy-wearing sort of way:
…and it was just sorta stupid and sad. And then, in a move that literally bored everyone to death, he and the hellspawn network, TLC, that had aired his ridiculous show sued each other, so then just the mom had a brood of 8, and then he and the mom had the obligatory ugly high-profile divorce and then they faded into obscurity because there is a god in heaven. But then someone went out and found Jon Gosselin for a where is he now kinda thing and he has definitely fallen from not-grace to even more not-grace because now he lives in a
van down by the river cabin in the woods where he waits tables and has no internet and no television but apparently has a steady pilgrimage of newsertainment networks like eonline! and VH1 that make their way to his door to document his rustic lifestyle.
Jon, buddy. Don’t give that shit away for free. Make them pay for the right to film you serving up fried food to the denizens of rural Pennsylvania. Make them pay you because you have to answer questions like “What was it like to live in a kazillion dollar house and then bang some third-tier models and starlets and now wait tables in nowhere” and you have to be all philosophical and defensive like “I regret nothing and had to step out with the third-tier starlets in Vegas so I could pay the bills.”
We do not understand how going to Vegas with women in tow helps pay the bills, but we are looking forward to our downward spiral so we can hit that point.